A HAPPY NEW YEARS BLESSING TO ALL OF MY FRIENDS!

THE PARTING GLASS

Of all the money that e'er I had,
I spent it in good company.
And all the harm I've ever done,
alas it was to none but me.
And all I've done for want of wit
to mem'ry now I can't recall;
So fill to me the parting glass,
Good night and joy be to you all.


[So] fill to me the parting glass
And drink a health whate’er befalls
And gently rise and softly call
Good night and joy be to you all

Of all the comrades that e'er I had,
They're sorry for my going away.
And all my sweethearts that e'er I had,
They'd wish me one more day to stay.
But since it fell unto my lot,
That I should rise and you should not,
I gently rise and softly call,
Good night and joy be to you all.


But since it fell unto my lot,
That I should rise and you should not,
I gently rise and softly call,
Good night and joy be to you all.

Appease pleased.

To appease,
To pacify,
To relieve,
To satisfy,
To placate,
To deserve,
To facilitate,
To want,
To serve,
To desire,
To want,
To inspire,
To flaunt,
To taunt,
To amend,
To peel,
To demand,
To feel,
To paint,
To guilt,
To ain't,
To felt,
To be appeased,
To be pleased,
To forsake,
This stake………..
FenniganT 12.28.10

Velocity

In generalist of speaking,
The brain is leaking,
Spewed thoughts of sarcasm,
Looking for an emotional spasm,
Something to make real,
Something valiantly,
Something with zeal,
Something with velocity,
Something with passion,
Something everlasting,
Something sacred,
Something pure,
A white horse,
A champion still,
A question in the closet,
That’s become real,
Mind the splatterings,
Mind the fault,
Mind the ramblings,
Mind of the distraught,
Mind wonderings aloud,
Mind wondering I have found,
Wondering to long,
Without a sound…….
FenniganT 12.27.10

LOVE

1 Corinthians 13

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Mourning Air

Crisp flow,
Through my window,
Blowing soft,
Or so I thought,
Gentle breeze,
Two deep freeze,
Hurricane,
F5 Tornado,
Molecule bounce,
Atom split,
With no name,
Mixture in all,
Pleasure of pain,
Constrained by nothing,
Held in by all,
Breathe deep,
Last gasp,
O,
I know life,
Mourning air………
FenniganT 12.23.10

Cookie for Santa

God gave Adam and Eve the garden of Eden with simple direction. Nothing complicated. One instruction of don't do this. That’s it very simple everything was out there for them and they blew it. After they ate the apple of knowledge we lost the privilege of ignorant bliss. As children of God he was disappointed when they did. As our father he forgave them. Still they became full of the Ego that has never been present before. Our Spirit and Ego have been at battle ever since. Egos exist for affirmation. An affirmation that will never be completed with the forever ending list.  The SOUL only wants peace. Which ever wins the body follows. Until the body grows old and then sometimes it takes over both ego and soul before we die. A cording to the story knowledge fueled ego so much that soon God had to destroy us all and start over again. This next time he gave us his word and his only son. His word as direction, his son as unconditional love, an example of how to live the word. Any parent knows this is the ultimate sacrifice . Now as many years later we still argue the truth of the word as written in the bible. I argue the truth as viewed by the FTBAS. We are his children, and his true love. He has made a promise to us and has always kept his word. He loves us unconditionally. We live as we die with only only three things, His unconditional love, his forgiveness, and his word. The forgiveness of our Father allows us to give unconditional love, forgive ourselves and those who trespass against us, keep our word and not break it. I have no contract of guarantee, no paper for a judge to decide if I am right or not, I only have faith in the Father. He loves me and asks me to believe in his love. I have faith in that love. I have seen it. I have felt it. I have it. We all do. Spread your words of unconditional love across the universal sky my friends. Spread it in your homes, spread it to the homeless, spread it on the streets, spread it on the narrow, and spread it on the wide. Spread it thick and spread it till the day you die. Most importantly spread it, to your Self unconditionally, spread it around your entire insides. Then pass your love along to who ever you meet. I say it’s all out there for us if we do the one simple thing he asks. Spread love till we keep his word when we give ours.




FenniganT 12.23.10

Devil

Like the devil I must fight,
This desire within,
To be wanted,
To have a friend,
That burn of lonely,
Those sighs of despair,
The moment when you find,
You are not a friend,
Or lover,
Or anything,
You just were and that’s all,
Something to pass the time,
Something to play with,
The gadget of the day,
Melancholy in self,
Desperate is not feeling,
But a state of mind,
Used is not a thing,
But a way of being,
That you don’t find out till the end…………
Never wanting to be needed,
Needing to be wanted.
FenniganT 12.23.10

Unsure........

Very hard,
Very late,
Very wrong,
Very wait,
Very impatient,
Very weak,
Very understanding,
What I seek,
One,
Me,
Three,
More,
What’s four?
Who’s that?
Trap for,
Of snakes and landings,
O just some more,
Misunderstandings,
Screaming night winds,
Blazing fury,
Beautiful eyes blurry,
Belly pitted,
Mind fitted,
Profited,
Wilted,
Hard,
Late,
Wrong,
Wait,
Impatient,
Weak,
Pure,
Unsure………….
FenniganT 12.20.10

Rain

Washing down on me,
Like a leather tapestry,
Bleeding I am free,
What do you want to see,
Another calamity,
Searching the dark,
When the lights already here,
What do you fear,
Why is it not clear,
The answer is love,
Love my self,
Love my brother,
Love one another,
In the light of the Father,
In the grace of the mother,
Nurture,
Care,
Hold,
Relate in empathy,
Hold your sympathy,
Never on empty,
Always filled with rain……….
FenniganT 12.20.10

Jilted

Sit here little darling,
Listen my precious one,
As I sing you a song,
Of love undone,
Injustice today,
Hiding behind the mask,
Of foray,
Led astray you ask?
Careless and fit,
Acts like it don’t give a shit,
Funny how the smile cannot be trusted,
For who is the one who lusted,
Who is the one that paid,
The price today,
The penance with out guilt,
Or if is was,
Out of love,
From above,
Did I just get tilted?
Jilted,
By,
Satan///////////
Fennigan T 10.18.10

Touched

Somewhere deep inside,
Some where down low,
A place where no one,
Not even you could go,
Lent you my trust,
Lent you my ear,
What did lust,
Do to bring you here,
Touched me in my dark some,
Touched me in my alone some,
Eternal place,
Only you could have known,
A light so bright,
A place so pure,
It didn’t quit burning,
When I walked out your door,
It didn’t quit burning,
What I saw in your eyes,
When I saw no compromise,
I’m sewed up tight,
You didn’t even notice,
You didn’t even focus,
On what I could be,
Something beautiful,
Something real,
Something wonderful,
Something deep inside,
Hidden if only,
You would have sought,
If you would have fought,
If you would have touched me.

Fennigan T 12.18.10

My question is

Like pencil erased,
A memory misplaced,
A love disgraced,
Can all be traced,
Where pains based,
With what its laced,
Lost the taste,
Made in haste,
Man what a waste,
To loose the chase,
To such a fake,
To such a rake,
Under the bus,
In disgust,
Who wanted trust?
Who wanted love?
Who wanted this?
Who wanted that?
Who challenges who?
Who really cares?
Who really dares?
My Question is,
Who chooses the pace?
Of love…………
FenniganT
12.18.10

Curve Ball

Ever hit a curve?
Ever run in to wall?
Maybe once?
Not at all?
Maybe all the time?
Who’s distraught?
The games on the line,
Who’s to blame?
Couldn’t be me,
I have no shame,
I’m the fame,
That everybody claims,
I’m the man,
That nobody names,
As his own,
A clone,
A drone,
Gods only son,
To live with,
To live without,
A doubt,
A site,
A song,
An emotion,
Alone in the curve,
If you’re ever thrown,
Better hit it,
It’s the last one,
All alone…………..
FenniganT 12.17.10

Unlimited

I believe the age of enlightenment has brought on more of a sentimental connection with emotion. To open within the heart of another is grasping for a vision seen now almost like a god. We try one and if doesn't fit to our liking we work hard to convince ourselves that all the signs point in a different direction. We quit and sulk all the while sheepishly looking out on the horizon for the one who is going to save us from the wretched pain of life. Then the power goes out and we realize the movie wasn't that good anyway. Its how we serve the others we meet in our daily life interacting without emotional attachment. The children, the check out girl, the oil change guy, the attendant, the immigrant, the illegal , the alien, the poor, the rich, everybody including animals and our environment. How we treat others is the truest reflection of our love and self worth. We my friend are children of God. The best invention, finest crafted and self perfecting mechanism we know of so far. When I meet one of his non human other creatures I might change my mind but bottom line. We are the cream of the crop. Flow the energy my friends. Use your power. Know what God and I know. You are unlimited..

Fennigan T B A Spencer 12.15.10

Emmanuel Jal: The music of a war child | Video on TED.com

Emmanuel Jal: The music of a war child | Video on TED.com

Circumstances

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them. ~G.B. Shaw

Leader

A true leader does not worry, of what others think of them, or even what they think of themselves. Only of what other people think of them selves and how they treat others.
Fennigan T Bad Ass Spencer 12.11.10

Ten Million Nine Hundred Fifty Thousand

Fuck bright,
Fuck beautiful,
30000 a day,
Starve to death,
30000 a day,
How many are left,
How can it go on?
Little ones,
The most precious ones,
Our future,
Our viewing glass,
Of how God looks at us,
30000 a day waste away,
Don’t look dismayed,
Don’t act afraid,
Not your fault,
Surely can’t be mine,
Cause I know,
We are the caring kind,
Why?
I don’t know,
How,
I see,
Where is this circle going.
What’s the way we flowing.
Where there’s a white dove,
Who’s the friend of?
What’s the fare love?
I can pay,
I can play,
That and this,
Scuse me miss,
Didn’t mean to piss,
On the parade,
Scuse me sir,
Did I make you afraid?
Are you disturbed?
Did I get you dismayed?
Change the channel,
Change to flannel,
Who soiled the sheet?
Who’s got the meat?
30000,
Today,
30000,
Tomorrow,
Am I not supposed to bleed?
Am I not supposed to plead?
For their sorrow,
Feed your pain,
Open up the sky,
To the rain,
God please bring us back again,
To the space of love and peace,
Of manna and mercy,
Father please forgive me,
I show it dark,
I say it loud,
Through the pain,
I am so proud,
To be your son,
But I question,
Who was your only one?
That died today……………

FenniganT 12.9.10

Burn

Burnin square,
Of fair,
Turnin murky,
Lurkin monkey,
Certain urchin,
Hide stroke,
Lied spoke,
Ride toke,
Wide folk,
Decide now tha,
Who’s the aughtA,
One the best of,
Whirs the rest of,
Dark of the light of,
Beginning again,
To become a,
Some one to be a,
Found me alone,
Lost on the sole of,
Shoes that walk of,
Pride and fate,
Whose the loudest,
Who deserves this,
Who real jest,
Peace of bliss,
Bath of holy water,
I aught notta,
Who deserves this,
Who gets this,
Shower of piss,
Bull shit fodder,
Only getting louder……….

FenniganT 12.9.10

Sky

Better look out now,
I’m rippin the sky wide open,
Better listen out now,
I’m bustin doors wide open,
Open free now,
Not a token one,
Not a prodigal son,
Let’s light one,
A long lean one,
I’m on it now,
I’m am in it now,
Yea Im through speakin,
To begin freakin,
Pulling scabs,
Dig in deep in,
Oozing and seapin,
Who’s keeping tabs,
Who’s begging please,
It’s me,
The voice of nobody,
Seeking the most of,
Knocking the dust off of,
Streets for staklin of,
Hey what ya talking of,
My shadow outing,
My numbers counting,
No reasons explain,
Of basement pain,
Blood and tears eight times rain,
Feeding the mountain,
Flowing in the fountain,
Darkness swirling round,
Going down,
In today,
In dismay,
In turn,
I return,
To rippin it open……….
FenniganT 12.6.10

Color Bleed

Storm the bottom,
Storm the top,
With no other,
Chance to stop,
Hard to see,
Why I began,
The color climb,
The color bath,
The color path,
The color wrath,
Front the day,
From the time,
It’s so cold,
It’s so old,
It’s so bold,
To hold,
The blade,
That I made,
Sliced me open,
To color bleed,
Into the night,
Where I see,
Streets of black,
Sky of white,
No color lack,
No color today,
Once again,
Everything’s grey,
Back to normal,
Back to the same,
Back to me again………
FenniganT 12.6.10

Drive Home

Here,
Alone,
Busy,
Bending,
Time,
In,
Line,
Sure,
Fine,
Hard,
Drive,
Future,
Throne,
Today,
Steps,
Up,
Back and down,
Forward,
Left ain’t right,
Tonight,
Tomorrow,
Will you,
Check me,
Will you,
Check you,
Do we,
Check self,
Inline,
Fine,
Drive,
Home…………
FenniganT 12.5.10

Nicks and Slices

Warrior’s realm,
Fighters daze,
At the helm,
Punches faze,
In haste,
Angers sweet,
Angers scent,
Wrong direction,
Wrong reflection,
Comparison,
Compassion,
Fighting,
Slighting,
Subtle,
Nicks and slices,
A little pinch,
A little scrape,
No checkered flag,
To drape,
In this case,
Servant feeds disease,
No release,
No peace,
No race to win,
Victory is pain,
Once again,
For Fennigan
FenniganT 12.5.10

Reel Time

Whispered sight,
Palette delight,
Something knows,
Canvas flows,
Outer edge,
Inner sanctum,
Suspended ledge,
Found then,
Hung over,
Hung out,
Hanging in,
With out doubt,
How it glows,
How it flows,
In Reel time,

FenniganT 12.4.10

Prowl

Moon is on it dead and full,
Blinking at me wide and smiling,
Calling out the dog bull,
I think its lying,
About the time again,
It can’t be time to roam,
That street smell of asphalt,
Licking the heals of pain,
Sweet like acid rain,
The gutter is deep,
Drops roll to the sea,
The streets are hard,
Not for the weak,
What feeling I find here,
Hanging with the insane,
What emotion will I bring here?
Drinking to numb the brain,
The moon is full,
I’m dead on high,
Drinking to numb the pain,
Once again in the rain,
The bull dog roams,
I think its lying again,
Licking the heels of pain,
On the streets again,
Home away from home………..
FenniganT 11.1.10

Climb End

Tired legs ache,
Strong shoulders worn down,
Straight back bending break,
Mind restless and weak,
Up it seems,
Are all in dreams,
Just another corner,
Around another bend,
A climb of just over,
One more range,
A walk once more,
Through fields of fears,
A blind man walking,
The path enlightened,
A walk made sweeter,
Having you near,
Wounds heal faster,
Soul gets tougher,
Heart beats stronger,
Laughs a little longer,
Where this path begins,
The climb ends!
FenniganT 11.29.10

Grateful

I am grateful for God,my daughter, my mom, my dad, my step mom, my sister, my step brother, my aunts, my uncles, my brother and sister in law, my cousins, my best friends, my good friends, my cat, my dog, my life, my choices in life, living in America, living in Birmingham, all the beautiful people in this world, a chance to make my own way in this world. I am grateful for today.
FenniganT 11.25.10

From Me.........

Play it,
Pray it,
Fake it,
Then those,
Who make it,
Who are you?
Do you ask?
Or wonder?
If you got it
Gonna get it?
Ever,
Is,
Never,
Some day,
One way,
Which switch,
Does it take?
To turn on,
Happiness,
What channel is in on?
What station,
What’s the future?
Location,
What’s the path?
Destination,
Roll on over,
Push on up,
Climb on down,
Unblock the rock,
Break it,
Take it,
Make it,
From me!
FenniganT 11.23.10

Right It..........

Ta dum lum,
Roll in out,
Tat tat a tat,
Wonder,
Line,
Breathe,
Fine,
In line,
With time,
Synergy,
Sentimentally,
Locally,
Defended,
Posthumously,
Degreed,
Insanity,
Bleed,
Formality,
Constant,
Fatality,
Rhyme with me wont you?
Of what you want to be,
What you want to see,
Time for you,
Time for me,
Time to be free,
Together in destiny………..
FenniganT 11.22.10

Fleash

Angst in flesh,
Moment of bliss,
Photo cropped mind,
Microscope spine,
Set on design,
Of politics and destiny,
Americas dream,
Of shattered fantasy,
To think for ones on,
To rule by no other,
To see a horizon,
To know there will be another,
Blink that eye,
Lay it down,
Wipe that blood,
From thorny crown,
Set on up,
Take a stake,
The long true haul,
No abbreviate,
Sticks and stones,
Agitate deliverance,
Breathe the light,
Fall not farther,
High on the ground,
Choice left,
Choice right,
Tonight,
In the circle of light………
FenniganT 11.18.10

Bobby Pins

Coiffure,
Soft,
Perfect,
Pure,
Scent
Curves,
Hot,
Spices,
Peppermint,
Slices,
Nicest,
Wet,
Yet,
Holding,
Prose,
Art in motion,
Sitting still,
Streaming,
My notion,
Using,
Bobby Pins,
To hold me here!
FenniganT 10.27.10

Perfect

Standing out alone in spaces tapestry?
Living in perfect moments of apathy?
Blinking yellow lights swing and sway,
Reflect down your asphalt tears,
Of blood sweat and scattered love,
Stop sign get along in perfect harmony,
Of a world spinning above,
A million lights holding each other,
A millions days strung together,
A million flights of a feather,
A million dents in forever,
An along the path,
Along the road,
Choices for all,
Stories to be told,
Answer the call,
Love your brother,
Love one and all……….
FenniganT 11.5.10

Paradox

Free the rat,
That’s wound,
The fool in me,
Share alone,
Jester’s hat,
In a paradox,
Of mortality,
In my pine box of apathy,
Last leave I didn’t,
Place in your tapestry,
It is but it isn’t,
About you and me,
Or the sleeve,
Of sanity,
In entrance reel,
A time slice edit,
The wind blew open,
Mind storm debt,
Bomb went off,
Torn alive to get,
Bits and pieces,
Sharp shards of wisdom,
Scattered sands of regret,
Lest we miss them,
Lest we forget,
Life’s a whim,
In the paradox,
Of God’s destiny……..
Fennigan

Insane is crazy but sane has insane in it......

Floating on,
Currents drawn,
Swirls of sleep,
Behind my eyes,
In today’s complete,
Tomorrows promised land,
Got to keep,
From entering the deal,
With the sand man,
Answers creep,
Crawl over the black mind,
Hmmmm, what’s lurking behind,
The exile of the sane is insane,
Insane is crazy but sane has insane in it,
I don't get it,
How do they get inside?
Working motors and drive trains,
Turning around in me brain,
Retrain,
Refrain,
Think it,
See it,
Let it go,
Drift on……….
If hurts so good,
With this pen,
I will do it again,
I will do it again…………….
FenniganT (RIP Pops) 10.31.10

Add Up!

The equation of Fenn,
Taken from this,
Nothing left within,
To begin on empty,
Leaves me thin,
In one hundred sixty eight a Week,
Fifty must Work,
While forty two try to Sleep,
Fourteen washes of the ass,
Ten dedicated for Service,
Five Healthy ones somewhere,
Forty in others,
Seven in animals care,
Overdrawn,
On time,
Running,
Flat line………………
FenniganT 10.31.10

For Givin!

Not for taking,
Not for return,
Not for haggle,
Not for burn,
Not a moment,
Or second,
To late,
To hesitate,
No rebate,
No speculation,
No abbreviation,
Will do,
Cheek wet,
Now dry,
Things kept,
Deep inside,
Open silence,
Dark threads,
Spent tangles,
Now untied,
No alibi,
Just faith,
In the space,
Between the mind,
In time,
For Giving……….
FenniganT 10.11.10

Chosen

To be picked,
Not the last one,
Like the first,
Shot,
In the arm,
DOC in hand,
Chosen over,
Swapped for,
Something better,
Than before,
What’s given?
What’s more?
What’s selling?
Behind the door,
What feeling?
Wants some more,
Of the pain,
More misery,
Is this why,
I’m so slow?
To cry,
When fast ones,
Ride for free………
FenniganT 10.20.10

Perfect!

A,
Perfect,
Image,
Replicate,
Fate,
Bred,
Believer,
Deceiver,
Foot Prints,
Fuck em!
God don’t need any more pussys,
He needs warriors,
To work his word,
Over this land,
Bad mother fuckers like him,
That can chuckle,
At these lines,
And not feel the knuckle,
Of Satan’s hand in pain,
Often the witness of decay,
Not to be led astray,
By life’s crazy way,
A soldier who will battle,
Without fist or spear,
Without life’s rattle,
Of fame and fear,
So pure,
One can see,
Hear and listen,
To be sane,
A vessel of light,
In God’s chosen call,
Of forgiveness crossing,
On path’s unknown,
Picking up the fight,
Reaching out that hand,
Threw the wall of stone,
Into the warriors light,
Walking in God’s word,
Of unconditional love,
FenniganT 10.19.10

Open

Intense,
Common sense,
Met,
Genius,
In my defense,
I was convinced,
This room was fenced,
I ain’t been back since,
But I am dense,
As the bush’s on a tree,
But that’s,
Talking to freely,
In the thick of reality,
Speaking in tongue of poetry,
Like anyone understands,
Anymore,
It’s the money the fortune the fame,
The bounce, roll, play the game,
Then I see you again,
My box stops,
The world turns again,
In the right direction…………
FenniganT 10.11.10

In the Push

Wake,
Sleep,
Take,
Make,
Life,
Dreams,
Nightmares,
Devastation,
Revelation,
Emancipation,
Gravitation,
Towards,
Center,
Deep,
Dark,
Caverns,
Crawl,
Cover,
Lover,
Fighter,
Fuses,
Future
Past,
Pain,
Greif,
Calm,
Storm,
Light,
Rain,
Sun,
Replenish,
To live,
To love,
In the push………
FenniganT 10.11.10

Heart of War

It’s a slick slide,
Down that ride,
Mr.General on highest,
To do lowest
Damage multi fold,
Or wreak carnage
With lesson untold,
To scavenge,
Destiny clashing,
With faith’s creation,
You’re facing
Intellectual masturbation,
Mind fuck if you will,
Stead fast her chill,
Sent up your spine,
It’s her time,
To shine,
As your left behind,
In her star dust…………
FenniganT 10.4.10

Touched

Sight,
Sound,
Long,
Lean,
Smooth,
Silk,
Skin,
Fire,
Melt,
Blue,
Eyes,
Tell,
Me
Smell,
Free,
Hair,
Falls,
So do,
I,
Look,
There,
Touched,
Here,
My self,
In you……..
FenniganT 10.1.10

Confiscable

Confiscable,
Liable to be taken,
Only of course,
By authorized party,
More than once,
I watched you,
Walk out that door,
Taken,
Not authorized,
Words hold no claim,
Honor does not reign,
Only money and fame,
In this nation of shame,
A place where gentlemen,
Die lonely and old,
While players lie in blankets of gold,
Contract hold in court,
Words in the heart,
What’s the type?
Of man you hype?
Fennigan T 9.29.10

Listen

Can’t you hear me when,
I am talking to you?
Can’t you see me when,
I’m walking through?
Look at me I’m standing,
Here in the middle,
Not playin,
No riddle,
Fiddle,
Faddle,
Fuck,
My phone cards out you got a buck?
Fuck,
Dead line,
Another miscommunication,
Another rotation,
Another deviation,
Another burn,
Another concern
Another to learn,
Another return,
To possibility,
To reality,
To fantasy,
To sanity,
Are you listening to me?


FenniganT 9.29.10

Finds Me

When I’m lost,
She finds me,
When I’m away,
She defines me,
When I’m talking,
To the voices in my head,
She reminds me,
That I’m not alone,
When I cry,
She wipes my tears,
When I’m afraid,
She runs away my fear,
When it’s dark,
She brings the light,
When I’m dry,
She brings the rain,
When I’m hurt,
She nurses my pain,
When I done,
She starts me over,
When I run,
She waits,
She’s the one,
That turns me around,
Kisses my cheek,
When I love,
Allows me to leave,
Then welcomes me home……….
FenniganT 9.20.10

Purely Selfish

Every body’s,
Got a reason,
Client,
Customer,
Capitalist for sure,
Castrated
Saturated,
Masturbated,
Sexual and pure,
Wants for you,
Wants for me,
Wants for everybody,
They ain’t here,
You ain’t there,
Only one thin line,
To declare,
A moment,
Of self,
A moment in time,
A moment they want,
Just in your line,
If not for them,
Then another,
Brother Sister,
Father Mother,
They all want,
We all need,
That moment of greed,
Wouldn’t be there,
Wouldn’t know the time,
It’s all purely selfish,
And always right on time.
FenniganT 10.18.10

Hood

There’s him,
There’s her,
There’s me,
There’s you,
There’s this
There’s that
There’s those,
There’s them,
There’s choices,
There’s voices,
There’s alcohol,
There’s pot,
There’s coke,
There’s pills,
There’s hills,
There’s valleys,
There’s bumps,
In the road,
There’s sanity,
There’s vanity,
Nothins for sure,
Accept the fact,
Gods in charge,
In the hood,
We can make it out,
Follow his way,
There’s love,
There’s forgiveness’,
All can be understood,
If we just follow his word,
FenniganT 10.16.10

Happy anniversary

Today,
Tonight,
I was there,
No repair,
No paint,
Only Pain,
No fake,
Only they,
Who,
Bent me,
Who,
Sent me,
Over the edge,
Didn’t break me,
Let me loose,
Didn’t know why,
Or where ,
For sure why,
I didn’t cry,
Until now,
I see,
What it brought me,
Everything……………………
Happy anniversary!
FenniganT 10.15.10

A First

Night,
Always,
Crept,
Slept,
Dreamt,
Woke,
Screaming,
Wept,
Deep,
Place,
Head,
Dead,
Cleaned,
Out,
Faded,
Out,
Without,
Dying,
Without,
Crying,
First,
Time,
Ever,
Peace,
Led,
Me,
To sleep,
Without,
Waking,
The demons in my head………………
FenniganT 10.15.10

Silenced

No ones here,
No call of my name,
No welcome home,
No will you play with me,
No dinner served,
No blessing,
No honor earned,
No peace around,
No acting the clown,
No running in the house,
No damn that mouse,
No soft music,
No laughing at all,
No family,
No joy,
No day,
No night,
No snuggle,
No doubt
No recall,
In silence,
In quiet,
I lost it all,
Silenced,
Again for being Fennigan………….
Fennigan T 10.14.10

His Way

Always been good,
At taken care of others,
Thought it was all,
I was made to do,
Change the diapers,
Dry the tears,
Run away the monsters,
Soothe their fears,
Sometimes there where so many,
That sleep was the only,
Way to be alone,
Then I was,
I feared my worth was gone,
Sang a sad song,
Sleeping alone,
Then it came to be,
I asked out loud,
What about me?
Don’t I deserve that?
Comfort from my fears,
Someone to wipe my tears,
Someone to love me,
Hold me tight,
Not one to run,
When I cry at night,
Well I’m old,
Ain’t a baby,
Seems here lately,
God is my comfort,
He is the one,
That has not forgot this son,
I have begun,
To rise up,
To feel ok,
To not be afraid,
To love myself unconditionally,
In his way…………………………………………
FenniganT 10.14.10

In Love

In love,
I peruse,
Integrity,
Faith,
Trust,
Honor,
Tender,
Passion,
Compassion,
Empathy,
Affection,
Destiny,
Truth,
Honesty,
Real,
Forgiving,
Understanding,
Of self,
And you……………….
FenniganT 10.14.10

TRUST

Trust is similar to a dance. There is no formula, fear must not afflict it, trust is given, but one should not demand that it is shared, that's how love should be, with or without trust it must grow, if it is true love. At a level trust is a given, one must only be grateful. We drive down long stretches of road with oncoming vehicles just a few feet beside us in the opposite direction, and with all insanity we trust they are not going to make a mistake, or lose control, no one must impose the right and wrongs, no one must demand how each dance is performed, what is beautiful for you might not be so for the other, but then respect that. Sometimes trust is broken and over time we learn to trust those people again, our heart expands with this gesture. Other times, it’s lost forever when, we do not love enough. Sometimes the very people who broke trust can become your closest confidants, or love ones. He, who is forgiven much, loves much. You can build it into people’s lives. That is why love is the greatest; it surpasses offence, and makes beauty out of shame. If you believe in love, I think you ought to believe that it is unconditional, that said, the sheer concept of trust to which everyone seems wired upon, and things that make relationships turn messy must be halted.

My Walk

A walk,
A skip,
A miss,
A time,
A flower,
In the sun,
Been lied to,
With two rings,
I missed the fun,
Gut stings,
Knew the con,
May act stupid,
May act dumb,
May act blind,
Really just numb………….
FenniganT 10.14.10

Keep Away

What’s best?
Stay undressed,
Mouth shut,
On your knees,
I’m the only one,
To please,
Open up,
I’m cumin in,
Shut up,
Don’t need a friend,
Fuck up,
Make up,
Smear it,
Clear it,
I’m only here,
Not my fear,
Not me,
Only Fennigan,
To begin,
Again and again,
You don’t hear me,
You don’t see me,
I’m the best of me,
I’m the one that sets me free,
Cocky little fucker,
Rung that bell,
In the middle,
Of heaven and hell,
Can’t wait,
Can’t tell,
Keep away,
Take away,
Be afraid,
It’s the only way……………..
FenniganT 10.13.10

Best

Best of me,
Most I ever tried,
Not even once,
Have I lied,
Well maybe once,
Just now,
Fucking clown,
Drown down,
Swimming free,
Fuck you,
Well fuck me,
Double standards,
Double tree,
Double vision,
Double you,
Double me,
Best I ever did,
Never lied,
Well maybe,
This time…………
FenniganT 10.13.10

Free of Me

Bent back,
Heavy load,
Strong shoulder,
Overload,
Despise,
Disoblige,
Self contained,
Not refrained,
In the cage,
Short term rage,
Fills this page,
To relate,
To my fate,
Of this place,
Of this call,
I seen it all,
Became most,
A toast,
To the Holy Ghost,
Makes the most,
Is the host,
Of my sanity,
Amongst calamity,
Keeps me free,
Of me!!!!!!!
FenniganT
10.2.10

No Thanx!

Weed?
No thanx,
Whisky,
No thanx,
Stimulation,
What a crank,
Desire,
Broke the bank,
Love,
Emptied the tank,
Ship done sank,
Take that to the bank,
Overdrawn,
Carry on,
More,
No Thanx,
Whore,
No thanx,
Swore,
Swear,
Declare,
Fair is fair,
No Thanks!………..
FenniganT 9.13.10

TEXT

Texting,
Besting,
Testing,
For sure,
Leave you,
Missing,
Processing,
What pure,
Nothing,
To See,
No memory,
Just hierocracy,
No democracy,
Just hypocrisy,
Lost on me,
Lost on you,
What to do?
Pick up the fucking phone………..
FenniganT 9.13.10

DIG

In,
Time,
Light,
Shine,
Broke,
Open,
Heart,
Break,
Fake,
Bake,
Simmer,
Boil,
Deaths,
Door,
No,
Friend,
In,
Sin,
Alone,
Gone,
By,
Tomorrow,
Cry,
Alone,
Dig,
Dug,
Trust,
Never,
Again…………
FenniganT 9.13.10

Ivory Tower

Stay,
Away,
Play,
Dead,
Fed,
Bed,
Shrug,
Smug,
Thug,
Love,
Dug,
Deep,
Creep,
Seep,
Sleep,
Grow,
Pain,
Rain,
Sunshine,
Flower,
Power,
Hour,
After,
Hour,
Gone,
Sour,
Living in your ivory tower……..
FenniganT 9.13.10

From Fenn to Fennigan

I poke you,
I prod you,
I stroke you,
With poison pen,
I fake you,
I stake you,
For every mistake,
I rake you,
Over the coals,
We only knows,
Where I goes,
And Why,
I fold you under,
I strike the thunder,
That comes from within,
Just try to let it go,
You won’t,
Let it show,
As I stick you once again,
In this poem,
From Fenn,
To Fennigan
9.13.10

Silenced

Scars,
Fade away,
Scabs,
Peel away,
Refrain,
Take away,
Nothing,
To you,
Wuz sumthin,
To Me,
Nuthin to me,
Iz everything to you,
Real,
Open,
Pain,
Looksee,
Oopsie,
Wanted it,
Not done it,
No need to run,
What it,
Done,
Dumb me,
Silenced,
Now,
Best still,
Taken away…………
FenniganT 9.12.10

One with out the other..........

What’s one?
Without,
The other,
Pleasure pain,
Mother father,
Brother Sister,
Friend Lover,
Strong Weak,
Tall Short,
Round Square,
Begin End,
Start Finish,
Honest Lie,
Rules Chaos,
Ying Yang,
Balance Fell,
Door Bell,
Rang your name,
Come on in,
Lay your claim,
Living Dying,
All should be the same,
In the end,
Throw that stone,
Left alone,
To forgive without sin……..
FenniganT 9.12.10

Reach

Just in,
No grasp,
Think hard,
Look fast,
Catch up,
Drop it,
Fall,
Fuck it,
Lose it all,
Reach,
A little higher,
A little farther,
A little longer,
Coin flip,
Rule change,
Whose game,
I wonder?
Who’s playing?
To fit,
To forget,
It was you,
After all……………..
Fennigan T 9.12.10

To be continued on and on…….

At the end of the chapter,
In beginning of the book,
Running faster,
No past lookin,
Sweat drippin,
Back blistered,
Breathless gasp,
Legs are heavy,
Time is short,
Time is long,
Time only you,
That you own,
The one that,
You control,
That moment,
To be continued on and on…….
FenniganT 9.12.10

Forgotten

Every body’s been lied to,
Nobody tries so hard to,
Everybody’s been stole from,
Nobody has to succumb,
Everybody’s hearts been broken,
Nobody wants to be a token,
Everybody’s been robbing,
Nobody’s been forgotten,
Everybody’s got less,
Nobody does it on purpose,
Everybody regrets,
Nobody hurts less,
Some just don’t show it…………
FenniganT 9.11.10

Daybreak
Dawn ache,
Elevate,
Mistake,
Rake,
Over the coals,
Dice,
Twice,
Used,
Done,
Begin,
The fun,
The run,
Rising sun,
Blurred,
In the mist,
Bone,
Throwed,
Facelift,
Rowed,
Load,
Overload,
What’s at stake?
Everything……………..
Fennigan T 9.11.10

LIFT

Rift,
Torn,
Born,
Left,
Went,
Right,
Sorrow,
Saw,
Sew,
Grow,
Happy,
Lift,
Up
Shout,
Praise,
Lord,
Thanks,
For,
One,
Word,
Love…….
FenniganT 7/25/10

Steep

Steep step walking up
Steep steps tripping down
Slippery when wet
I’m telling ya man

Walking this way ain’t weak
Like linins of silk
Not like crying over spilt milk
Praying is real sweet

I’m a rider with you
I gotcha back
When you lack
Is what he says

When demons try
To sway my ace
I’m calling cards with the best
I got diamonds in faith………..
FenniganT 9.6.10

Truth or Tattle

What are you thinking?
Why do you ask?
Are you too sinking?
Not up for the task?
Can you hang with me?
On a mind fuck bend?
A trip to the eyes of see,
Slow crisp burning wind.
Long walk on the road,
Far distant in travel,
Carrying someone else’s load,
As mysteries unravel,
Simple lives are lead,
Daily things go on,
Tend to dread,
Feeling you don’t belong,
Everyone’s someone they are not,
Or at least trying to be,
Now I think I forgot,
If this is the real me.
Lost in false zone,
Wear honesty’s shadow,
Learn in voice tone,
Between truth and tattle.
When you just wanna go home……..
FenniganT 9.6.10

No Other

Deliverance is light,
Falling through hoops,
Jumping out right,
Through the hangman’s noose.
Secrets crawl,
On a wall,
Closets are full,
Of distant fantasy,
Skeletal memories.
Of deceased realities,
Some delicacies,
Other facsimiles,
Copies,
Of what was wish,
Burt offerings,
Served in a dish,
Of tasty morsels,
On dead realities.
No more pondering,
No more dark,
Only the journey,
Of freedoms flight,
Fearless, sturdy,
Solid secure,
Deadly honest,
Heart pure.
Push me,
You got a wall,
Pull me,
You gonna fall.
Lead me,
Solid, rock, son of the Father.
Fennigan Tyler Spencer
There is no other!

FenniganT 8.12.10

Dreaming whilst waking

Woke up screaming,
With them in my head,
Wondering why,
I ever went to bed,
So I never start,
Till I’ve been drinking,
Wondering why,
It’s all in my head,
A make up of fantasy,
A haltered reality,
Once the insanities,
Crawl in my bed,
No dreaming of tomorrows,
Only remember the sorrows,
Of past calamities,
Playing loop over,
In my head,
Dreaming whilst waking,
I stay awake instead,
I stay alive,
I stay afraid,
I say I died,
Where I laid,
Dreaming whilst waking,
With them in my head………..
FenniganT 9.9.10

Ain't right

Yea,
I did it,
So what?
I said it?
Who cares?
Mother fucker,
Nothins fair,
What you got?
Sumin on me?
Fuckin meek,
Ain’t me,
Gonna be,
Worried,
That one,
You’ll never see,
It was me,
Comin down to ya,
Comin on for ya,
Comin tonight,
Shining bright,
Wanna fight,
You got the light?,
I'm tight,
I'm solid,
But aint right,
Aint wrong either,
Just gone,
Just gave up?
Just gave in?
Naw not me,
Im Fennigan T !!!!!!!!!

FenniganT 8/27/10

Crease

Sign on the line,
Set at ease,
Eager for time,
Answer to please.

A knot untied,
A loop suppressed,
A minds eye,
A soul possessed.

Forgive me not,
Forget me when,
Forlorn the rot,
Forget its summation

What we think,
What we feel,
What we sink,
What we instill.

It is what it is,
Some could be,
In seems of bliss,
In iron hot crease.

FenniganT 8/24/10

Catfish vs. Caviar

Remember when?
A shoe was a foot,
Time begin,
Cutting loose,
Stretched wings,
Left the nest,
Flew afar,
As the rest,
Of the world,
A rising star?
Broke out,
Down that road,
A story untold,
Looked back,
At the pack,
Who thought?
To cheer you on,
But you found out,
That wasn’t true,
They said you were better than them,
Said you didn’t want them to win,
Said they didn’t want to see you again,
All because you weren’t like them,
Does anybody really know who they are?
When it’s catfish and caviar?

FenniganT 8-23-10

Building

Hard life,
Built these walls,
Sacrifices,
To tall,
To give in,
Trust another,
Believe in,
Something other,
Trying it,
To,
Living unafraid,
To live in today,
Unfettered,
Unaltered,
Trust away,
Trust today,
It my choice anyway!
FenniganT 8/14/10

Morning

Morning gone sunrise,
Day gone sunshine,
Sundown over my eyes.
Night goes flat line,
Open to reality,
Spread from of me,
Trickle down fantasy,
Blind to see.
What’s in front,
Whats behind,
What gone down,
What’s to little,
Is more than enough,
Or not to much,
Just such,
No luck,
No Fuck,
No fight,
No Fenn
In this light,
In this day,
No way,
No Fennigan,
To begin again,
Right here,
Right now,
How?
FenniganT 8/14/10

Butterfly

I hold a butterfly,
Lit on my hand,
Watched it spread its wings,
Set it down,
Left on solid ground,
Don’t wanna miss,
States of bliss,
Wonderful kiss,
Temperatures right,
Jolts me tight,
Shakes my mind,
Makes me quiver,
Has me thinking,
Will I ever,
Walk that way
Straight and tall,
Or am I ever cursed,
Bent and small,
Don’t think so,
Cause I am Fenn,
Then Fennigan,
Back again,
Both are me,
Both see,
The top of this world,
Played out in front of me,
I just have to,
See into,
Butterfly…………
FenniganT 8.13.10

Keep Up............?

Not possible,
You can’t do it,
Won’t make it,
Done been done,
Scratch,
Think,
Do I wanna?
Keep up with that?
Found your weakness,
Used it,
Turned it,
Tight.
Pushed you,
To the edge,
Broken loose,
Went on over,
Then used it again,
Everybody gives in,
Everybody’s shamed,
Everybody looses,
Plying this game,
Keep up?
Not with that,
Not in me,
Not what I wanna be!
FenniganT 8.13.10

Pass

In the ripple,
In the breeze,
In the flow,
In the these,
In the those,
Some do it,
Some don’t
Some will,
Some won’t,
In the sky,
In the night,
In the dark,
In the light,
So they can,
So they couldn’t,
So they should,
So they shouldn’t
Pass each other……….
FenniganT 8.12.10

Far Away...............

Through time I feel you,
It has no power here,
No belonging does it hold,
No presence to persevere.
This line of energy,
All through time,
Connects us through my rhyme,
I flow in this
I hear you breathing,
I feel you sigh,
I touch you wondering,
If you think about me,
I hope its good,
If you talk about me,
I hoped you would,
Remember how much I love you,
How much I care.
How much I want to be there.
FenniganT 8/10/10

Tomorrow

Aint for sure,
Aint no cure,
No start line,
Nothing but time.
A free mulligan,
An erased line,
A blank start over,
A chance to win.
Every day,
From sleep,
To dream,
Along the seam,
Of new tapestry,
A glorious flag,
Screaming dreams,
Aint no start over’s,
Aint no new beginnings,
Just sleepless betting,
Without forgiving,
Without forgetting,
When regretting,
The day before you live!
FenniganT 8/10/10

For You!

Into the midnight sky,
I sew diamonds,
I shake mountains high,
Sprinkling gold dust,
Over every sunrise,
Call for no other.
In no uncertain terms,
A drive on me burns,
In this moments best,
Each and every moon rest,
Of protection and security,
Gods always blessing me,
To see the abundance,
To get what we deserve,
Shine rays of love rants,
Prepared to serve,
In the bosom of our heart beat,
In our naked minds eye,
In a vision of complete,
No answer try,
No question even,
Of why,
I do,
For you………………!
FenniganT 8/7/10

Thought!

The Father's work is shown. In his scraping off the dirt of men like me. Forming us into gentleman deserving of women like mine. In her presence I am inspired with strength. In her absence I am inspired with the confidence that my woman loves me. I go into battle knowing that I will fight well. For I have my love to return home to. She honors my victories and weeps with me as she tends my wounds from defeat. She is my woman and I her man. If I should die tomorrow she knows where I stand.
FenniganT 8/4/10

To Do List.

Made a list,
Checked it twice,
Not dones,
Made it trice.
Got another,
Sittin dusty,
Pretty and nice.
On my heart shelf,
Big as a book,
At first look,
Not much done,
I ain’t,
Never claimed to be a saint,
There’s dents in my body,
Scratches on my paint,
Mind and motor’s runnin great,
Been dustin that list,
Of check offs.
Got to dos,
And dismiss,
Now I’m down to one,
Just the truth,
That last to do,
Love you!
Yeah you!
To love everybody I see,
In praise of the Father,
Then do it again,
Push it farther.
To my neighbor,
To the postman,
As much to the bum,
To everyone,
I love you,
I love my family,
I love my friends,
I love my girls,
I love my woman,
My list for today,
Is full of lovin,
This is to say,
Everybody’s on it!!!!!!!!!!
FenniganT 8.1.10

JOTS

An ambiguous delight,
With concentrated years,
Of intuitive balance,
Educated in separate spheres,
Shhh!
Rat ears,
Sneaking peaking,
Won’t leave it alone,
Lurking private eye,
Watching without lie,
Won’t apologize,
Guarded deep down,
A flower in bloom,
Never got jaded,
Nothings faded,
Full spark on,
If you’re real in presence,
You may witness the mind dance,
A fly over into ever moment,
The day God sewed the pearl,
Into the mind of the girl,
I call Jewel Of The South.
FenniganT 7/27/10

daddy Up!

Listen here boys!
I see you playing!
Like they was toys!
Yours for the breaking!
Creating children!
Cross the land!
Your not there to feel them!
Or hold their hand!
Look what your missing!
While your pissin in the wind!
The waves of night cover!
The eyes of your child!
It’s for you they listen!
Every night.
A soul is broken!
Feels so alone!
Momma?
Where's daddy gone?
I don't know baby,
Your momma’s right here.
There's nothing to fear.
As momma wipes her tear,
I cry,
All you wanna be daddies!
All you wanna be men!
Hear my call!
Take this charge!
Don't let them fall
Through the crack!
Of life’s destiny!
Your what they lack!
Your what they need.
You don't need no slack!
It was your seed.
You better daddy up!
You better do it now!
You best ain't luck!
It’s you they seek!
Don't let it go!
Cause there's some one like me!
Who will walk in and treasure your junk!
With a blink of an eye!
Turn your memory to bunk!
A moment ago a real man walked in!
To shouts of glee!
Yeah!
My daddy’s home!
To play with me!
FenniganT 7/26/10

Curtin Up!

Turn it on,
Tune it in,
All ready to begin,
The characters,
The actors,
The players,
The fools,
The kings,
The queens,
The princes,
The thieves,
The whose not,
The who wills,
The who wants,
Curtin up,
Lights on,
Fennigan you’re on.
Today’s labor,
Tomorrow’s song,
No memory,
Of rolling the dice,
Numbed the mindset,
Of hey it’s just me.
Not in the script,
I didn’t know I was free.
When I was supposed to go.
In playing my part,
On the Fennigan T Show………
FenniganT 7/22/10

Bounce

Wall to wall,
Here the call,
Money fortune,
Maybe fame,
If you play the game,
Follow the leader,
The deceiver,
The wondering eye,
The handsome guy,
Sitting in the corner,
Calling me over,
Round the rover,
Back to the game,
All the same,
Turned that leaf,
Hailed that chief,
Never again,
Will you have,
Fennigan………….
FenniganT 7/23/10

Here?

Schedule clear?
Doing what?
Going where?
Your not?
Dressed for that?
Done it now?
Did it a lot?
Do it again?
Ring cloud?
Wrapped around?
Hear the sound?
Feet’s on the ground?
Coming up?
Behind me?
Going down?
On me?
Do I see?
Do I look?
Do I care?
What’s real?
What’s fair?
Doing what?
Going where?
Do you care?
When I’m not here?
FenniganT 7/25/10

My Suggestion?

It’s in your wink,
It’s in your walk,
It’s what you think
Before you talk.
A curl of the lip,
A show of the thigh,
A bend down,
Look back,
No wonder why.
In three you’re wet,
In five out the door,
No clothes off,
No roll off.
What you need,
All up under,
In your skin,
Crawling round,
Back again.
Your breath,
Only sound,
Heartbeat,
Pulse,
Vibration,
My suggestion?
Come with me…….
FenniganT 7/25/10

Forgiven!

Didn’t walk the line,
Did the crime,
Made it mine,
Owned it,
Sought it,
Fed it,
Bled it,
For all its worth.
So I thought,
Turned around,
Found out,
It was milking me.
Breaking me down,
Making me weak,
Addicted in excess,
Further the regress.
I went,
Under,
Gasping for forgiveness,
Where’s my air?
There it is!
He never left,
Father Forgive Me,
For I have sinned,
Father Thank you,
Father I love you,
Father loves me,
Forgiven again,
Amen……….
FenniganT 7/23/10

A year to the day

Whoopie yeah?
No celebration,
No reason to party,
No walk in grief sand.
No retrospect on before.
Not like that.
Not sad.
Not happy.
Not glad.
Just me.
Just moved on.
Just like the year before.
And the one before that.
What never was?
Never is?
The way to be.
Just a simple.
Happy Anniversary.
FenniganT…………..7/22/10

own up

own up,
not down,
blow up,
all round,
go forth,
flow ease,
new gauge,
shared feast,
rock roll,
burn toll,
collect one,
to the son,
name the Father,
push higher,
roll longer,
get taller,
feel stronger,
no wonder,
no ponder,
light down,
big chain,
own up………
Fennigan T 7/21/10

No cents

When asked if I have change,
I tell the check out girl,
I have no cents.
It not a blog or a blurb or anything other,
Its something I learned deep down from another.
Self depreciation,
Self decapitation,
Self sabotage.
What a mirage,
What an illusion,
Mans self confusion,
Of what’s real,
Of what’s meant to be.
I’ve found love the only answer,
Love for everyone including me,
Love through your eyes,
Love thy neighbor,
Love thy self,
Show it in your labor.
Serve one another,
Do something,
Don’t let it just be,
Feed the homeless,
Set our children free.
Educate them,
Stimulate them,
Share their words with me.
Smile in the light,
Dance out right,
In the sight of the Fathers love for we,
Who have no sense?
FenniganT 7/20/10

Circle In

Listen close,
Circle in,
I,ll introduce,
Two men.
One on watch looking shoulder over,
One dreams in soft fields of clover.
Their struck in balance,
In a body they share.
Paid years in due,
Working out what was fair.
Struggled once now no more,
Didn’t know why or what for,
That one controlled the other.
One only a fighter.
One only a lover.
A blending began,
When God forgave their sin.
Different but the same.
More like brothers.
Holding each other up.
To stand tall,
To grow,
In their body frame.
Learning to find,
The changing the mind,
Of.
Two men,
One Fenn,
The other Fennigan.
FenniganT 7/19/10

FEAR

To rise,
Not above,
From where I from,
I wonder,
Under my breath,
Who can I tell?
Who will care?
How it hurts,
How it pulls,
How in turns,
Me inside out,
Tears fall,
My baby cries,
In my eye,
I know I saw,
I crawl,
To my knees,
Father please,
I fear,
What I see,
In the reflection,
Of me………
Fennigan T 7/18/10

EMPIRE

Brick by brick,
Wall by wall,
I build it for,
One and all.

Most think me nuts,
A little out of my head,
Others see a dreamer,
Who should go back to bed.

Then there’s those,
With no faith at all,
Who said get a job,
Don’t dream!
You might fall!

Then came one,
I didn’t think I would need,
That one does believe,
In the vision of me.

Standing straight up,
On the top of my world,
Spinning out power,
Focused and in control.

Building and empire brick by brick,
I'm creating something here,
I’m going to make it stick.
I’m working two candles.
Burning bright on the end,
I found a gold mind,
In believing in,
Fennigan
FenniganT 7/18/10

Fennigan's Prayer

To put it down like this is out there for sure, not used to sharing what is holy and pure. So here it is and I am proud to say. This makes Fennigan Smile in so many ways. I open morning’s glory envelope on my knees. Ask the father for blessings and will he please. Grant me insight in my realm, today that I walk forward in his love, each step of the way. Like this prayer to be inspired, as one of gods holy warriors not to be denied, the pain or obstacles of others. But larger challenges my stronger shoulders. Thank you for my wisdom that I use stakes your claim. Into the heart of those who know no shame. I’ve given you ramblings I given you the bit. Well here it is and I bet you thought I was going to say it. But no not here Fenn's to unruly. So I gotta stay Fennigan to be an example of what’s holy. I walk in integrity and lies are not a part of me. I have been opened up to loves dignity. I have seen my future through Gods wondering eye. He wants these same for me and all of us to live in the land of bliss. I will use the beautiful eyes to see. That all my brother and sisters, are just like you and me walking tall with everybody in my mind, as my heart is the loving kind. Take nothing to anyone but the spirit of the Holy Ghost. In my patience of lessons learned I follow more closely to a persons need. With keen instinct in of faith I have nothing to fear. Starts out making sure the gratitude is there. I usually am thankful the most for my beautiful breathe of fresh air. Then I ponder into family and friends. That’s when the real healing begins. I think of those I love and those who I boast. The again I thank the Holy Ghost. So in these moments of my morning brisk I ask the father for my task list. And once again thanks for the strength who I am, a child, a servant, a warrior, a friend, an unconditional loving Fennigan. Amen
Fennigant 7/11/10

Copied and Pasted

Free,
Not exposed to danger or harm,
Dependable,
Firm not liable to fail,
Or become displaced,
Affording safety as a place,
Free from care,
With out anxiety,
Firmly established,
With relationship and reputation,
Sure certain and assured,
Safe from penetration,
Safe from interception,
By unauthorized persons,
Free from danger or harm,
To effect,
Make certain of,
Ensure.
I have Secure,
Copied and Pasted,
From Webster you see,
To expose clear definition,
Of what’s happing to me………….
FenniganT 7/9/10

Power of real!

Its how I feel.
It’s what I see.
The reflection is real.
Not a fantasy.
You me shine of.
Together and a power times three.
Holy Father son ghost in blessed trinity.
Tickled in fashion. Music blasting.
Chatter null and void.
Full voice is heard.
Power in real.
Power on top.
Back to the deal.
Contract sign and seal.
Service maid.
Division parlayed.
Doubt stricken.
Panic clock not ticking.
Open eyes.
Open skies.
Flowers bloom.
When we walk in the room.
We are power in real.
Time is our guessing.
Living in the blessing.
Life is full.
Never dull.
In power of real.

FenniganT 7/4/10

Radical Equality

Concept or truth?
Fact or fiction?
Has me scratching my head.
Has me brain itchin.
Could it not be,
This way for real and forever?
Live in peace together,
A day of sunrise sunset and no senseless death,
A day we all stand together,
To be united as one no other no better,
Many have died for it.
Many have been crucified for it.
God gave his only son for it.
A day that the ghettos cry no more.
That poor was no more.
Radically equality,
What is that?

Aiete!

Aiete bass ass,
Where's the thump?
Whats the last?
Card you gonna trump.

What number you playing?
What level you at @
Who the devil?
Is tapping the mat.

What the matter?
All this brain clatter,
Focus pocus,
Locus in the cage.

Ferocious and bent,
Staggered away went,
The mad disease.
Of vanity calamity.

Open prides door,
Holds it once more,
Same as before,
It caves in.

Sound retreat as trumpants blare.
Unknown defeat seeping in the air.
Let the warning be felt.
The beast is loose.
No there nothing due.
No tie that binds.
Only a word so true.
Trust.
This I do.
FenniganT 7/7/10

dissconect

To disconnect from insanity.
To not be a part calamity.
To stall tall your own reason.
To watch you is so pleasing.
To my eye with which I see.
This woman you are to me.
To a lovers touch.
To a Mommas discipline.
To an angels clutch.
To a desired vixen.
You are my woman
To you I am true.
To this idea I pursue.
To a life of awe.
I like what I saw.
I like what I see.
This beautiful woman you are to me.
FenniganT 6/30/10

When we danced............

Right now in front of me your breath soft while peace sleeps is upon you. I sit and watch you thinking of today. The wine, the food, the walk, the art. The kindred spirits we met with smiles of shared love of life. The love created by our father to share in our universe was beautiful today. Together our power showed ever present. To those who were receptive much energy was created. To those who were not a wide berth was given. :). You voice authority, eyes brimmed full of love, working a body whose passion fuels your desire. Those who see know this message you share is of love. Those who do not see are the ones who are intimidated in your sheer energy presence of love for all. Most people don't get it that real love, true love, Godly love hurts. It hurts because to have it you must grow and continue growing. I listen. Not because of my love for you. Not because I want you. I listen because you speak my language. I listen because in another dimension we danced.
Fennigan T 6/27/10

Balance

Walking a rope?
Teetering the wire?
Looking for Hope?
What is desire?
Hold on?
Tie a knot?
Look long?
Not a lot?
It’s in you?
It’s in me?
The secret/
Story?
Life?
Peace?
Unconditional?
Love?
Faith?
Prayer?
Healing?
All in one,
One in three,
Total balance of free…………
FenniganT 6/24/10

Liquid Soft

Color blend,
Flame blue,
Liquid soft,
Liquid me,
Liquid you,
Flowing,
Waves,
Crashing,
Over,
Round,
Through us,
Undertows,
Whirlpools,
Eddies in current,
Swimming against the stream,
My liquid soft dream,
Of liquid me,
Diving in,
Liquid you!..........
FenniganT 6/23/10

Closer

Out of no where.
Felt it deep blow.
Santa anta trade carry.
South this canary.
Sugar smooth.
Honey Sweet.
Feelin me.
Makin neat.
Creation of energy.
Soaring over.
Gliding through.
Open memory
Strong to do.
The more fresh air.
I’m breath.
I’m in.
I’m around.
The closer you get.
The more I want you……….
FenniganT 6/17/10

Gods Bookends

Shelf of time,
The book of life.
Every line,
A message,
For the blind.
Unconditionally,
A cheek turns away.
Neighbor to neighbor,
Lives in today.
Justice met,
Peace offered,
No regret.
Mystery solved,
Story told,
A beauty scroll.
Held above,
In the word of love.
On each side,
Holding safe.
God’s bookends,
Here forever,
Here today.
One name April,
One name Fennigan.
Between two,
The most,
Beloved three,
The Father,
The Son,
The Holy Ghost……………………
FenniganT 6/15/10

Release

Four Am
I swim
Dark sea
Sunlight crawl
Floating in peace
The earth’s vibration
Breath of creation
I am released……
Tonight
This morning
Today
Forever till my end
In your arms
In your eyes
In your smile
Breath of love
I am released……
To my beginning
To my end
Of all the middle
Let the healing begin
I release……
FenniganT 6/13/10

Top Off

Let’s blow the top off.
Scatter and smatter love.
Litter the road.
With Gods word.
Let’s speak out.
Let’s be absurd.
Let start a revolution.
To be unheard.
Not to be matched.
Where all are free.
All unlatched.
From their bound.
Chains of destiny.
Something more than this.
Something like bliss.
Wake up,
Smell the coffee.
We coming in,
With this offering.
Our moment in time,
Sprinkled with some rhyme.
All in love.
All in the glory.
Of our fathers story.
Fennigan T 6/13/10

Only

Fuck fuck fuck.
I hate to feel.
I hate to care.
I hate that I'm here.
I don't wanna be anywhere.
Do I?
Why not?
Who's she?
Who's not?
The fast ones always ride for free.
What's new.
Always been done to you.
Care and caress.
Wash and dress.
All needs meet.
Father and brother to some.
To none the only one.
Watched so many fall on threw.
Lost many more just doing what I do.
Try to make better than when I got here.
Taught many how to smile by just being there.
So many rules so many games.
Can't anything stay the same?
I guess not.
What good would it do?
If you were the only one for me and I was the only one for you?
FenniganT 6/12/10

Gone Hunting

Vision blur.
Deaths door.
Sliced throat.
Silver coat.
Blood shine.
In time.
Bleed out.
Fine pulse.
Final bout.
Beautiful creation.
Elimination felt.
Through its pelt.
Last breathe.
Father forgive me.
Beauty destroyed.
That I have.
In deaths laugh.
I find no treaty.
To put me at ease.
My sins live on.
Why don't they cease?
What is it your telling me?
What is its worth?
Born bread and created.
From this earth.
What you want me to do?
Tell me father please what route to choose.
In seems I know.
But can't let go.
Not of what's been done.
But how I have failed your son.
I talk unconditional love and freedoms call.
When it came down to it I lost it all.
In control in how I felt.
Now me in this living hell.
I can not see I could not tell.
What is one plus one plus one?
Ain't that three?
Fuck this fucks that then fucks me.
Fenn 6/12/10
Fenn 6/12/10

Blade

In the dirt,
Discarded,
Thrown away.
Chipped here.
Rusted there.
No love.
No care.
Taken.
Beauty withered.
But not hidden.
With care.
With time.
With penitence.
Discipline.
A,
Razors edge.
Balanced.
A,
Tilt.
Tipped.
Dropped.
Cut.
Me, deeper than I ever thought it would…….
FenniganT 6/12/10

Ground Zero

Blown up.
This way.
Not that.
My way.
Faint that.
Something.
You don’t see,
Serve good.
Long life blood,
Ground zero.
Bull rut.
Push out.
Pull in.
Going about.
The wrong end.
Stay safe.
Lady luck,
Tainted,
Me.
That me,
You see,
No pumping,
No thumping,
No jumping,
Blowing up,
Ground Zero……………
FenniganT 6/11/10

The Hand

Dealer began,
Drawing dead.
Player one,
Big slick.
Player two,
Bullets in the hole.
Who knew,
Scattered set.
Just met.
The marker,
Raise the bet.
The flop,
Split pot.
One fold,
One saving faces.
Set the limit,
Set the rules.
Sent to the rail,
Who could tell.
Bottom pair,
One down,
Two to go…………..
FenniganT 6/11/10

Hang nail dog

Hang nail dog.
Cut throat.
Jump rope.
Hangman’s noose.
Running loose.
Cut free.
Social debris.
Flying off.
Handles wit.
Really think.
Give a shit.
Yellow coward.
Lip service.
In sync.
Babies bed.
Empty…….
FenniganT 6/10/10

Crave 2!

I crave your touch, your breath, your smile, your love. I long for a day when spaces no longer hold us behind the bars. My true desire is to only vibrate unconditional love and acceptance through us. Our past has rules written long before us. Though we may wish for a moment to be different or a song sung do a different tune. The rules are part of us and we are the gate keepers to the truth. I wait knowing that one day one moment in time is nothing to the eternity I went through to get to you.
FenniganT 6/8/20

Nothing on you!

See the universe?
See our moon?
In my verse.
They have nothing on you.
You whisper to the prairie wind.
Coerce it to call my name.
You have the oceans send.
The rain to quench my flame.
Mountain's rise high to meet you.
Only to fail mile by mile.
The suns wishes to be you.
Has taken long ago its smile.
Washing out black turning day from night.
The love bloom crack.
Make everything alight.
For me a lot and them others.
You where born in the realm of Mothers.
Who’s touch is of freedom from worry to care. And everybody knows you will always be there.
Steady steadfast holy and true.
These are just some of the reasons I long to be with you.
Fennigan T 6/8/10

Silver Linings

Down middle,
On top bend,
Round blend,
One calling,
One answer,
On follow,
Through.
Out and in,
On top end,
In question,
On answer,
Mostly everything,
Without anything.
Wants nothing,
To defend,
Only win win.
Make it so,
Do the know,
Peal the ladder back,
Build new ceiling,
Step back,
Do it again.
Stack.
Stack.
Stack.
Paper paint everywhere,
Shattered the sky,
With expectations,
Colored the clouds,
With Silver Linings……………………
FenniganT 6/7/10

What's New?

Fuck fuck fuck.
I hate to feel.
I hate to care.
I hate that I'm here.
I don't wanna be anywhere.
Do I?
Why not?
Who's she?
Who's not?
The fast ones always ride for free.
What's new.
Always been done to you.
Care and caress.
Wash and dress.
All needs meet.
Father and brother to some.
To none the only one.
Watched so many fall on threw.
Lost many more just doing what I do.
Try to make better than when I got here.
Taught many how to smile by just being there.
So many rules so many games.
Can't anything stay the same?
I guess not.
What good would it do?
If you were the only one for me.
I was the only one for you?

Chink

A moment of clarity. A not so sober doubt. A question from within. Wondered aloud. How did I deserve this? Is what I heard true? Is this me dreaming. Of what I am to you. That I am worthy. I am not a freak. You do love me. You trust me complete. You and the father both know what I want. To be the best man for the job. Its out of love its out of faith. This path I will take. An empire in glory of my father and his gift to me. This woman who saw what I couldn't see in me............

Honey Dew

Slow like honey,
Sweet like dew,
O my liquid,
When you,
Flow over,
Run through,
Hypnotize,
Memorize,
Fantasize,
Liquefy,
Stimulate,
Educate,
Formulate,
Gyrate,
Never late,
Always on time
Inside of rhyme
Of you in me………….
FenniganT 5/28/10

Fire Dance

Walking into a ring of fire.
Rings of passion,
Rings that won't tire.
Rings that are hungry,
Grow stronger with desire.
Consumed by my whiMzy ,
I twiddle & flit.
This fire deep within Me,
For you is a fit.
Watch me grow stronger,
Watch me grow higher.
Then smolder my embers and clear my smoke.
For the fire that burns deeply has been tended & stoked.
Empress April 5/23/10

More Liquid Lines

Butter ain't got smooth on this.
I'm talking foreverness.
How those lines drip so wet.
Tempting me I collect.
Precious drops one by one.
Till water fall has begun.
I quench my thirst after all.
With these liquid lines,
They feel me good.
These liquid lines,
Dance in my pulse.
As I ride them,
In a cascading rush.
Liquid lines,
Through and through.
O my liquid lines,
I want to have you.
Shaken and stirred,
Wide open and content.
This is what,
I said.
This is what,
I’ve meant.
Liquid lines,
I will light your fire,
I will raise your curtain,
I will not tire,
This I’m certain.
Till you’ve quenched,
Till you’re drenched.
FenniganT 5/22/10

Somehow

Somehow to get this out.
Some to get this down.
Not playing about.
Not playing around.
Universal flash of insight.
Of how we got this right.
Of our wills to be.
In our father’s victory.
Dancing in the shadows.
Sprinkling love around.
Hand delivering souls
To Gods lost and found.
So it seems I'm letting it loose.
Rollin on with loves display.
There's no wondering aloud
Or silence of doubt.
That to spread Gods word.
Is to feast on blessings,
Our father has served.
Fennigan T
5/22/10

Trophy

Trophy in sight,
Blood amp rush,
Fingers steady,
Dealer ready,
To the right,
A killer,
To the left,
A thriller,
To the front,
A chiller,
In back,
The filler,
Of that certain thing,
There’s gonna be
Blood on the floor,
Seeping on the plate,
Dog down get beat,
Pack mentality,
Trophy in sight,
Blonds’ brunettes red heads,
In variations
Of perfect complete.
Trophy in sight,
Cash on the barrel,
Money in the bank,
Green in the tank,
Trophy in sight,
Got head on the wall,
Got some in the street,
Even at the mall,
Trophy in sight
Enjoy the meat,
Savor the kill………….
FenniganT 5/21/10

Missing

I woke up to something missing.
I woke looking for something I can’t find.
Now I'm wondering and listening.
Have I lost my mind?
It was right here when I feel asleep.
I held it all night.
I didn't see it creep.
Seems I've lost sight.
Maybe it touched me and made me feel.
At this point I can't tell if it was real.
So what do I do?
Look for it without a clue?
Of this and that and where it went.
Or just wait and see what it meant.
To be or not to be is not the question.
It’s an answer to my suggestion.
Where did it go?
With out it will I lack?
How will I know?
If I never look back.
Do I want it or was it just a need?
Like a heavy book that’s such an easy read.
Faith has a long road.
In the future of wishing.
On it I carry a heavy load.
To look for what’s missing.
FenniganT 5/19/10

Naturally

I'm swimming in the deep end.
Crossed the imaginary line.
Of everything I remember in
This river of time.
Flowing freely with out pause.
In and out all around.
Riding the wave of universal law.
You took me with out a sound.
With out a fight.
Blended in and out right.
A part of you into me.
Made to love you naturally.
FenniganT 5/19/10

Just happens

So what the deal?
Where's it at?
You call me real.
Now that's a laugh.
I'm the best you ever had?
Then why you act so mad?
When I tell you no,
For me you won't do.
That you're a knot,
I just won't go through.
Just goes to show,
It just goes to prove.
With you there's no respect,
There's nothing but grief.
So I won't be long,
I’ll try to be brief.
It just wasn't there to forget,
That crazy thing you keep calling love.
I know what it is because I am in it.
It is wonderful and it is true.
It just happens,
That I'm not in love with you.

Thermal Dance

This is my thermal dance.
Looking down on creation.
At fields of abundance.
With the most deadly of intention.
Preys energy I feel.
Deadly dive for kill.
Feel its blood mix with mine.
Forever now in time.
Then I skin the wares.
Bones and marrow.
I split for shares.
Up again and gone.
I cry my song.
Soaring on high.
Is how I feel.
Is how I heal.
Circling life as deaths destiny…………
FenniganT 5/16/10

Brain Dance

An emotional and brain dance appeared to be fading away deep into the night. Frustrated hung around while worry smoked. Hope slow danced with peace while love and hate argued the past. The mind mentioned it was bored and would like to speak its self. The body bowed if only to humor. It had to shout “I want all emotions standing straight and looking my way. Fennigan’s on the prowl. He is stalking down the hall. Making a terrible noise and screaming at you all. The full moon is calling and to miss it we can not afford. Fennigan to Fenn let’s tear down the raging machine with its twisting judgment into darkness while believing the lies of evil beings. Let’s feed the poor and care for the old. Let not let one be lost from the fold. Let’s wrap each other in the Holy Ghost. Fennigan has taken within a lever pulled it forward out to a new level of obscene. He will litter the road full of wondrous debris. Torn open his path of following the Father. Having sliced through the ones that we were and the ones we weren't and that doesn't matter. The ones who waiver and those who wish they could scatter. All is held within this momentarily brain dance of Fenn and Fennigan. So with paper and with pen I jot it down again and again and again………………………
FenniganT 5/15/10

Calling

Wondering around aloud
Talking with God
And his only son
Of how much has been said
See how little has been done
I raise my self
In service
In name
In vision
In love
I open myself
To the love of ever
Still my self
Hard for impact
The crowd won’t fade
The harder they hit
Lest they persuade
To let go
Of all this pain
All this shame
All this game
I see where to go
I know why
He is calling me
He is calling my name………..
FenniganT 5/11/10

Beauty and Bliss

Through sleepy eyes.
I see beauty coming towards me.
I love the way she glides.
Now beside me in bed she sighs.
Souls and bodies wrapped almost as one.
All night long I push away the rising sun.
For when it shines she must go.
This beauty in bliss I love so.
Within this space I am in so fulfilled.
I look, listen, watch, touch, hold my gaze.
With beauty and bliss a future to build.
In this moment my father I do praise.
I know you are why.
My beauty in bliss makes me so high.
Respect her and never neglect her.
Love her well and support her ways.
This is what he tells me.
This is what I do.
Beauty in bliss
Thank you for being you!
Beauty and Bliss,
I love you!

Crawler

Gone off the deep end.
Over the barrel.
Knee deep in it.
And it ain,t that bad.
Folks think I lost it.
When I know.
What I found,
Is,
Making me solid,
While I float around.
It ain’t token.
Or load on sound.
The keys just floating.
Under finger dance.
Some are stroking.
Some sing along.
Lines of liquid showing.
Through me all the time.
Nothing I see falls.
Everything I hear rhymes’
I get lost in her some times.
Everything else fades away.
In her voice,
I hear every sound.
In her eyes,
I have to say.
I know what I’ve found………..
FenniganT 5/27/10

April in May

Hot
That’s it
That’s what I like
That’s what I want
Ice cream on a summer’s day
Hot honey butter melting away
Creamy buds of sweetness
Pooling off your side
Liquid ecstasy bliss
I envision the slide
Face smothered in clover
Smelling the faint heat
Of my lover
From toes to feet
Calves thighs and the rest
A cherished quest
To involve my self
Inch by inch
Mile a mile
In a fast lap
Paced within the others
Wrapped in tight
Under the covers
Longing holds me
In hazes of dew
Mind body and heart
I slide into you………
FenniganT 5/3/10

Liquid Lines

In shadows of softness
I welcome your mourning dew
Liquid lines dancing through me
Liquid lines at ease
Liquid lines feeling what I do
Liquid lines bleeding through
Smug in knowledge of seduction
Beefed wisdom of duration
Cocky attitude drenched in sweat
An interlude of perfection
Crossing the street to get to me
Walking a circle around my desire
Towing a line pulling me in
Never behind the push
That future curve rises higher
Leaning in blissful ecstasy
Never dressed in my fantasy
Liquid lines dance through me
Liquid lines flow through me
Liquid lines see what I do
Liquid lines I see you
Liquid lines Yes you do
Seduce me
With all the things you do…………..
FenniganT 4/28/10

Drive Dance

You down there looking at me
What is it you see?
Art, poetry, beauty, pain, agony
Life in deaths constant motion?
A moment in times eternal notion
Of what is and what’s should be
Do you see what’s real?
Or do you see what you wanna see
Do you really want me to show you?
A drive dance of reality
Shaking the core of your might
I shine through to you tonight
I glow in thought of pleasantry
I dance in infamy
For you a moment tonight
That may you delight
In me…………
FenniganT

MUSE

Your image is something to behold
Created in verse that I write for me
Wings of fire and locks of gold
Eyes deeper than the sea
You’re walking in my mind again
Flowing through my limbs
Like roots dug deep
Springing me free
From thoughtless sleep
You walking in my mind again
Where ideas start to creep
When I see you
Running free in the field
Of memory and illusion
I am emptied of my confusion
Dropping ink line by line
Your presence flows through me
Winding way down my pen
Holds me deep in breath
Waiting on its end
It’s a wonder
It’s a why
It’s I don’t care
It’s I don’t try
It’s destiny on time………..
FenniganT 4/27/10

Goodbye Brother

A brotherhood born in blood. A little more than twenty one year ago. Bonded in years of lusting silver platinum and gold. Partaking in the fat of the land. Awaking in the beds of queens. Stealing at night from our kings. Built an empire of our own. Filled with cages and traps for the best we found. Round the earth and deep in the valley justice finally came. To our place exerting its reign. My brother was captured by his own desire before and the enemy imprisoned him after. I rebuilt brick by brick the wall. Years past and a future shone through. My brother came home and I knew what to do. His room was ready and with maidens in wait. Oh what a party we gave. Now fifteen years later we are back again. The circle went round to the same choice as before. Which do I choose, life or death. Today I'm smarter and wiser. I know it can't go on. My brother is in the belly beast. It has eating him whole. Today I have let him go. A memory I keep of that redhead boy at nineteen. Smiling and happy looking ahead. Has me sad of the life he could have led.

My Woman

There she is the on dance floor doing what she does best. Her presence always takes the rooms breath. All the boys wish secretly they were man enough to have her. The whiskey has me watching this show in cocky amusement. To watch her is art in motion. She swirls the floor leaving trails of color behind. She grinds with the back beat as if an imaginary lover had appeared. Leaning in with a curl of those hips and rolling out with motions only a woman knows how to use. The view is heat and I lean back in my mind knowing I hate to tear away. Slowly I rise for the days toil has drained my body. With coat on and hat in hand I glance back at the dance floor. There she is with all the boys looking at her while she is looking at me. It’s a familiar glance we both know well. Even if I wasn’t older I still could not keep up with her. She is always full on like a beacon in the dark. As I leave the club I resist looking back knowing that if she just gives me the right look I will stay. I shrug my shoulders and think” Take what you can now boy’s, that lady’s mine and when she’s done with you, she comes home to me”. Sleep comes quickly for me and then there’s the dawn. I wake to hear the familiar moaning and creaking of our bedroom floor. Her bath has perfumed the air. Her warm body slides in gracefully beside me. My woman she curls up in and around me, slowly, purposefully, lovingly, all to whisper in my ear. "This is my man and I love him".
FTBAS 2010

I know

I know you’re comfortable
I know your there
In a place of order and disrepair
A space of your own
Holy and neat
Do you wonder?
Do you know?
Where I am now?
Where I sleep?
Do you care now?
Whose company I keep?
No I guess not
Because you never did
I wanted to forget
Who your were anyway
I wanted to remember once
but it hurt to bad
So I got real drunk and then real sad
Figured fuck it Ill move on
Sing my own song
Littered scratched and covered
In doubt of misunderstanding
It wont last I know
Now the bell has tolled
My time to be free
My time to love me.....
FenniganT……..4/29/10

Faux Real!

No not a piece
To consume whole
Flow into the scent
Steal the show
Fully immersed
Truly conversed
Automatically reversed
At full speed
Running free
Throughout the swirl
Spinning in and out
Tossed of any realm
Around the cosmos
Traveling here
Between another side
Deep and clear
Shallows skip more
Walls hold still
An open out door
To make faux real…….

FenniganT 4-6-10

A year on a page

One year ago
Zero hour
Head ringing
Vision blurred
Breath gone
Need air
Shaking heart breaking
Am I dying?
Walking dead
Shell shock
No sleep
No peace
Eyes wide shut
Still can’t see
Why what or whatever
Inner voice moved out
Emotionally dead
With out hope
For repair
90
Days later
Boots back on
Walking with fake strut
Hope no body notices
Continuously repeating
I am worthy
this to shall pass
you deserve happiness.
To find a way out.
Gotta heal
No storm last forever!
Pushing through each day
Boots weigh a ton
Hard to walk
No other choice
180
U turn?
Still cold
I try to imagine summer
Pray meditate eat
Am I gaining weight?
Three quarters through twelve months
Half the time I still feel I am faking it
Service to others is the only thing that feels right
I’m listening to people more
Open dialogue with god
Reading more is a good sign
Here I am one year later
What view
All I forgot
All I learned
All I knew
The only thing that matters
Love in service
A path of our own
A understanding that all is one
All vibes together
The purer the positive energy I receive and release
The more comes to me
Goal is now to open that valve full stream..............

Spark

A piece of light
A luminary in peace
A smile to brighten me
A spark in my daze
Like a shining star
In a world full of haze
A light from afar
A diamond amongst the ruins
A peace of perfection
A feather on a wing
The color of the sunset
The break of spring
A spark from you
Can fuel a life being…………

Dream Me In

Dream me in your sleep
Dream me in your bed
Dream me to keep
Dreams for my weary head

I asked you again
What did you say
About the rain
That washes pain away

When the sky becomes blue
With the water calm
Ill be dreaming with you


Something inside says dream me in
Something inside says dream me away
Something deep below the skin
Woke in a dream today……………………..

FenniganT 2010

Miss you ( Song Version)

...and float on the mist





as I make forever list



broken glass shines brightest



a fire that would not melt desire





we tore at each other, suspended in ease





to each piece of life we could breathe



a simple beginning that wanted voice



so when the sun is right and the moon is high



lost upon the mindless in sight



is when............



FenniganT & EPF 2010

crave

Feeling a little mellow
Feeling a little slow
Taking it down a notch
Hanging it all out for an everybody sea
It’s not you in me or even we
It not money or fame
Or sanity in the living hood
But a simple peace of mind
Of being understood
Most people are blind
And not everybody can see
Ego Soul and body in eternal war
Of wanting to be free
Ego begs affirmation of perceived reality
The feeding of its own stability
The soul’s stand is desire of peace
With love spreading like a perfect disease
The body lost its fight long ago
Winner controls the other and the body will follow…….
Fennigan T 3-14-10

Eyes of blue

In those eyes of you
Are seen what only I see
Deepest pools of blue
Within an ageing sea
Caught us looking astray
Almost a thousand years
Wishing for another day
Washing away our tears
In the wishing the well of time
To find a different view
One like yours one like mine
So we take a piece of this
Then a piece of that
Mend it mold it squish it flat
Form it toss it back
A manic in a panic
Like that we feel
Sea our eyes of blue
Looking out for me
Looking out for you
See your eyes of blue
Looking for anointing
In my eyes of blue
Pleading for mourning
They don’t cry with you………

Requiem

A piece of paradise lost
An island in decay
A beach covered in frost
A lover looking the other way
Dyslexic and OCD
Manic depressive and diseased
What about you well what about me
We can out victim you with the rest of them
We can cop a plea
Does that make me better?
Does that make me worse?
So long to this vial curse
We have choose this moment of rebirth
We have choose this moment to live
Rising from the ashes
In theory or manifestation
It will out last us
The destiny of destination
To hype athetically rewire
Out of the question
For you and for me
Only a suggestion
Of kill time engagement
I am the god of me
For fun or for kneel
Each feeling the others will

5 and Dime

Thrifty shopper,
You alone?
You got ten?
To whirl about,
You Lady Dancer,
Me Gentle romancer,
A moment of your time,
If you fancy,
Five for you,
Five for me,
Five and dime,
Right on time,
A moment of your time,
If you fancy,
Five for you,
Five for me,
Now you dress,
As I bounce along,
Singing my song,
Of great times,
At the five and dime…..
FenniganT

Emotional Hybrid

Emotional Hybrid,
Be an only child or siblings other,
Human balance in holding,
One for three or one for the other.
Tides of bonds in expectation,
In valley’s of eternal relation,
The emotional hybrid.
Dances the human race,
Moment to moment,
Face to face,
One won’t and one will.
But neither does the other.
Counting again,
How much one,
Owes the other.
Dance of emotional wealth,
Twist in hind sight eye,
Some masters in stealth,
One roped in wild.
The other plays the hand delt.
FenniganT 2/22/10