TODAY

Today I sat and wondered
What sky and space
I sat under
A place that when I came
So along and afraid
Somewhere I did not belong
In finding my way
The morning the sun rose
The day I betrayed
That trust you gave me
That love I had
The feeling you lost
I have found
A never seen
Laying on the ground
Somewhere in the middle
Not in the road
Somewhere in the end
A lie I told
About where I came from
Of where it all began
Why I am afraid
To tell you how I am
A ghetto boy
Dunkin in the drink
Playing the game
Walking in the middle
Of the frame……………
FenniagnT 12-17-09

So I Ponder........

So I started drinking at five
Started writing after the first bottle
Don’t know when I started thinking
But I went full throttle
Then I was wondering
How come
We could not all get along
Why we all could not see
That there is no difference
Between you and me
Maybe a color
Maybe a sex
Maybe a mindset
Maybe a text
But really we all just the same
Gods little children
With our own brain
Something to think about
Something
To tell
Nothing to believe in
No heaven or hell
Just a little rhyme
Here and now
Forever and yesterday
A bit of me
A lot of you
And then today
For some crazy reason
We did not see
That you were not you
I am not me………………….
FenniagnT 12-17-09

Sister Phoenix

My sister the phoenix she lives
In a world of forsaken dreams
Her wish of a past
In broken immortality
This earth binds her
And grounds her demands
Of life in the beginning
That shall never end
What this life has planned
The same it has given
A flight of repentance
For sins that outlast
Her soul
Her mind
Her body
They betray
Her love
Her lust
It seems no man can take
Only forsake
That desire within
That only a friend
Not a lover
Can give her
A sister
A brother
Bound by time
Bound by space
The truth
The love
Of no disgrace

FenniganT

The Rising

for EPF

Rising from the ashes
From deep well of the unknown
Scattered torn and trashed
Forgotten and all alone
Like a torn glove
Running up the flag of regret
Slithering on their bellies of hate
Black pits of emotional debt
They tried to keep her down
Her soul they tried to drown
Piecing together pipe dreams
Almost had her it seemed
What they didn’t know
What they forgot to tell
This was the Phoenix rising
From her living hell
What they did to her
What they wanted
Had already been done
Had already been felt
This was the Phoenix rising
A force to be reckoned
A soul of fresh air
This is the Phoenix rising
She claws her way up
Cracking the face of doubt
Stared straight into the sun
Stretched wings crying out
You can not touch me
Or those I love
This warrior elite
Is rising above
Enemies begin to flee
Screaming it wasn’t me
Please don’t hurt
Please don’t kill
The Phoenix is rising
Her love will set you free
Her light shining true
For some its hell
For most a cue
Of a new day dawn
A light life full
Of light peace love truth………….

Devil

Like the devil I must fight
This desire within
To be wanted
To have a friend
That burn of lonely
Those sighs of despair
The moment when you find
You are not a friend
Or lover
Or anything
You just were and that’s all
Something to pass the time
Something to play with
The gadget of the day
Melancholy in self
Desperate is not feeling
But a state of mind
Used is not a thing
But a way of being
That you don’t find out till the end…………
Never wanting to be needed
Needing to be wanted
FenniganT 2-20-10

Getting Bye

So this is it
So this is why
The reasons you tell me
They don’t seem to fly
From the beginning I felt
At the very the end
You could never start
With that closed heart
With pieces mine
We started getting bye
The moment I said hello
You took to my slide into you
Like a huffer to glue
You fell like jumper
Going for the bricks
Just one time
Self describe seeker of death
Sucking wind like it was meth
Crack ho aint got nothing on you
Pimp plays the game
You make the frame
My picture inside
Of just gettin bye

FenniganT 11-28-09

So Long

With the mechanicals gone
Nothing missing to connect
It had been so long
With out any regret
Lying concealed
Like a snail in its shell
Bent afraid blocked in
That static spark
Fingers to skin
Running around and back again
The glowing of night
Between the sheets
Untapped passion
Something high not deep
Always circling with baited breath
Looking to sink in
And to blow up in all directions
A body blend
Sweat blood paste confection
Spiritual dance of creation
One as one in succession………..
Fennigan T 11-28-09

WELL

In the benign
Beginning it grew
Started from nothing
Felling of blue
Started from the bottom
Swimming to the top
Grasping for air
Back to the bottom
In your despair
Stood there
Let you have my breath
To keep you from drowning
To keep you alive
To relive the moment
When you decide
To let me in
To be your friend
A lover’s disgrace
Baked in the deep
Of love that never was
That never will be
How is this way
How did it come
From the beginning of time
Love benign
FenniganT 11-28-09

Entwined

Entwined as one
Singing souls rising
Blending together
Enthroned in static blue
Sparks melding as one
A chemical stew
Tasting salty and sweet
Logic refrain and then gone
Glances of skin streaming
Vapor of passion scent
Beads of sweat gleaming
Down the roll of sighs
Boiling between the sheets
Internal heat on the rise
Fire and sweat compromise
To not diminish
Or put another out
Pulsing together as one
Until the only sound
Is cosmic creation
Of blessed souls
Entwined as one.
FenniganT 11-24-09

Just Sitting

Sitting here lonely just looking
Head down in sorrow
Feeling mistaking
Empty and hollow

Lonely at the top
Lonely at the bottom
Swirling in a circle
Feeling low down and rotten

Started kind of hungry
Now I’m laid to waste
Began with a smile
That has withered away

Tears are falling
Smile so sad
Can you hear me calling?
You’re all I ever had

The game face can’t break
The boiling inside
The time I can’t fake
Insides are fried

Looking out over the horizon
Death and life in full blossom
Seems I have forgotten
No tomorrow……………

Fennigan T 1-0-31-09

Just Getting Started

You thought I was finished
Hell I’m just getting started
You must think I’m retarded
Put up with your shit
Shit on me will you
I ain’t begun yet
I’m just getting started
I have begun at the end
Ya I know I’m backwards
You aint no friend
You are the enemy
You didn’t see me comin
You didn’t see cause you was lyin
Dead at my door
I will tell you once more
Im not finished im just gettin started
Im comin for ya
Squash you like the bug you are
Kill you in myriad
Like Im runnin on a tirade
Put my key in your lock early
Squeeze you tight watch you pop
Comin for ya so surely
You better be afraid smiling your pearly
White fuckin teethes
Ill knock em out
What you don’t know
Is how long has been the drought
Since I killed a man with no doubt
Of him needin it as bad as I wanted it
Yeah im comin for ya
You must have thought I was retarded
Thought I would forget it
Mother fucker you so blind
Me you didn’t see watchin you
While you was playin mine
What did you think I would just forget?
Well mother fucker
I never give up
I never forget
I never regret

Fennigan T 11-07-09

Dying While Living

I have been dying while living so long,
Now I don’t know which I am.
The moment when I feel good,
Living while I am dying.

Living that moment when I am dying,
But I lie here awake.
Dreaming that I’m crying,
I try but can’t fake.

Living while I am dying,
Not being here
Not being there
Nowhere do I belong.

Searching for that place,
That I used to belong.
Looking for what I lost,
Where did I go wrong?


I must have given it all away,
That part of me that cared
The me that loved yesterday
And looked forward to today.

Something’s missing
Something’s gone
Dreaming that I’m dying.
Crying when I awake..

Fennigan 10-29-09

Lullaby

I’ll sing you a song my sweet,
Of peaceful dreams that never end
A beginning of peace
For a very best of friend
A wish for your slumber
In a circle never broken
A circle that never ends
A light softly shining
As clouds fade away
A hope that glistens
On the beam of a sun ray
Flying over the horizon
One universe as whole
From the start you had me
At the end we know
Time is not in us
Dimension is an illusion
Illusion just a breathe
A deep breathe of wonder
Of dreams set free

Fennigan T. 11-08-09
For EPF

Bright New day!

I was swamped in misery
Caught up in despair
Head hanging low
Feeling nothing was fair
Encompassed in delusion
Of what was supposed to be

I walked it through
Wondering aloud
What to do
When you’re alone in a crowd

Then I remembered
Something and old man said
That Mother Nature doesn’t make a storm
That last forever
Looking to the sky
Instead of the ground
I saw a light
On me shining down


It was midnight and the rain began to clear
The fog was low but lifting
The moon was a day less full
I was in tune and listing
I feel asleep while smiling

When I awoke the light was there
Shining into my heart
Energy from the end
A funny way to start

As I walked outside
The leaves crackle under my feet
The sun beams setting me free
Bright and beautiful and shining
Sprinkling sparkles of light are all I see

I have shed my cocoon of desperation
With my blessing
In moment of elation
As if I had learned my final lesson

I have stretched my wings
That had fallen from grace
I fly with the spirit divine
Touching the beautiful face

Of unconditional love
Forgiveness being set free
Basking in the light of
This beauty in me……………
Fennigan T.11-1-09

Fuck You!

Don’t Like me!
Well fuck you
What you do
gonna get lawyer
Are gonna sue
Well fuck you then
You know why
You’re a sic mother fucker
That’s why
Nobody needs you
Nobody cares
Nobody wants you
Lifes not fair
You’re a punk
I am not
Your shit
Im gold
My card ACE
Run away duce
I call fold
Fuck me
Well fuck you
You aint shit
Never gonna be
How come you always
Wanna been see wit me
Cause you always hackin
Getting somthin you aint got
Bleedin off everybody else
Like we forgot
The gutter you came from
Well just go back
Cause nobody wants you
Fuck me
NO FUCK YOU!

Fennigan T 11-08-09

Hate You??

How can you say that I hate you
When I can’t even feel you
Don’t even see you
You don’t even know do you
That the way you do
It goes to show
And everybody knows
Your ego needs to grow
It needs to glow
But your light is out
Begging to be turned on
By anyone who will see you
The way you want to be seen
It’s begging to warm up
You luck is out
Fold your hand
I’m callin you out
Nothin but a user
Nothin but abuser
Takin when you should be givin
Sinking when you should be swimmin
I started it you bet
Lest you forget
Its all cause of you
How can you say I hate you
When I can’t even feel you
Can’t even see you

Fennigan T 11-8-09

Work of Art

Something inside of me
Said just go ahead, give the best you can
That’s what I have done
No matter what
I went there, I came here.
In total fear,
I tried this I have tried that
Falling flat
I never could imagine
It wasn’t allowed
To become who I am
The one that I wanted of me

A pedestal upon if only to reach
For the stars rightfully owned
I would preach and preach
I took charge in as much as I could
Fighting toward the greater good
I was brought to a higher place

Little did I know?
The penance of Fenn
To pay his very soul
With emptiness within…

Like a crumb that fell from the table
The afterthought of not being able
That person who never should have never existed
The one somebody just did
The best of with what could
We did not choose to be here
Give it to us square
Really no body gets it
No body cares

We are all born as perfect
Our past erases the fit
Of a little piece of paradise
Held within the light
Of never being wrong or right
Just of being and that is
Enough to begin and end with
That’s a start

Fennigan T 11-7-09

Can't Find

Its something you can’t find
It’s not in a bottle
It’s not in a pill
Not looking you have to see
Not seeing you have to feel
Something that everybody wants
Some will even kill
Waiting for it
Whole lives revolve around it
A place of never knowing
Always wondering why
Is it the beginning?
Or maybe the end
Some will never find it
The search can never end
All around me the search goes on………..


Fennigan T 10-29-09

Depth

I have been in a place so long. Where people really don't care about the soul only the flesh. My guarded shell does not reflect my soul it only shields it. From those who will use my good nature, as an excuse to get close enough, to reach in my pocket. I am sorry if that's sounds dreary, but it is depth I crave, not the shallowness that surrounds me. Fennigan Spencer 2009