Blown

In the darkest night
I squeeze my pain
In the middle right
I've gone insane

Touched
Broken
Lost
Open

Bursting aloud
Crying alone
Silver cloud
Rock to stone

Holy
Spirit
Finally
Forget

To achieve is better
To be lonely is never
To sew the letter
To the wind of ever

Blown.........................

FTBAS 12.12.13

Before one moment

That we are just human
That you feel the same
In rain we get wet
All in pain they came
To be free to forget
In time click wails
Daylight to dawn moods
Darkness soon fade
Healing salve soothe
Life blood pulsate
State of mind
Of what is late
Before one moment of time.............
FTBAS 11-27-13

Points and presentation

Points and presentation

To be real in present
Above the seal in everything
Below at the heel of innocence
Around this simple thing

The no going back
Triumphant sounds of discourse
Dante gone black
Angels with out remorse

Free Tea and deeper
Open season
Feed the keeper
Quit the teasing

Dynamite and wing tips
Christmas pound cake wishing
Credit and Pink slips
This party is pushing………..

FTBAS

Step through

I was out in my pretense
Doubted innocence
Blasted for convenience
Lying forever with in this
Described not on me
Changing in sunshine
To the shadows blend
For the scabs below me
The pain above me
The life before me
Contemplating I see again..................

Salt of the Earth

 Pier fishing is at its best a roller derby of cultures and at its worst a clash of the Titans. You never know what to expect. I pulled up to the drive on fishing pier around 2:00 pm. Only a few cars about as I found my place for the evening.  Right now my only neighbor was a small Asian woman fishing her heart out with four poles, two on each side of the pier. For the next three hours while fishing I watched this woman scurry from pole to pole reeling in fish and checking her lines. After she was satisfied she would sit in her fold out chair with her back to the sun. She would adjust the small clamp on a shade umbrella and smoke a small cigar. Her constant up and down catching small fish, that I would use for baiting my lines, that sat steady and sitting still, having been cast out deep into the bay. She was amazing to me in her small dark features.  I could see she walked in pain, bent backwards like always being held back by some invisible string. Still she never tired as I watched her repeat this cycle countless times over and over. 

 After about three hours I walked over and introduced myself.  Her name was Rose from Seoul Korea and over the course of the evening we talked of life. Understanding her completely was very hard. I am very Alabama and she very Korean but our language barrier could not stop our desire to communicate. I would give her the extra bait fish I would catch and she would share a nugget of her life. As a young woman an American soldier had married her and they had a son. They were divorced and she raised the boy alone. It must have been very hard on her because even after 30 years in Pensacola her English was very hard to understand. I felt we spent much of the night repeating ourselves and I am sure Rose felt the same.  I learned her son had graduated college and was 24 years old. He had had a hard time finding work at first but had finally found a job. While talking with Rose I could see all the lines of the years driven deep into her face. Weathered hard lines by many long hours of worry and work, beyond those lines were eyes as bright as a newborn.  Filled with courage that I only wish I could possess.

 I wondered and thought in those moments alone watching the tips of my pole sway in the gulf breeze. How we all have our journey and how we are all alone with it. The peace of knowing that these moments if treasured and understood could be seen as not just miracles but a calling of being understood.  Rose told me I was a good son “She could tell”. Rose had had a stroke the year before. Her right side of her body had been paralyzed. She worked through it by fishing. The doctor told her fishing apparently was good for her. To myself I thought “well I guess so” and “now I know why she walks the way she does”. We all have strings pulling us and I could now see that Rose refused to let hers hold her back.  

(Fishing note: when you fish with live bait you cut the tail so they can bleed and attract the big fish you are hoping to catch). 

 About 6:00 pm a beast of a truck pulled in front of mine. It was loaded with fishing gear and an electric service chair. Out of the truck came a mountain of a man wearing confederate flag swim trucks.  From the driver’s side came an even larger man with long hair and beard. It only took ten minutes for us to be introduced because the driver had cast his line over mine. Within minutes we were conversing of fishing and life. The driver said “folks call me Bear” and I replied with “well of course they do”. Bear told me they were truck drivers taking a break for the weekend.  His friend Paul was the rebel with the swimsuit clause and Donnie was Bear’s brother who was paralyzed from the waist down.  As the evening progressed Bear offered me a beer and I accepted. As we indulged the subject of shark fishing came up and Bear said “well Donnie I think I will just rig you up and throw you over for bait”. Without a blink Donnie replied “well I ain’t got no problem with you throwing me over for bait but you gotta cut me and that ain’t going to happen!”  In that moment I saw that these two brothers had shared and dealt with so much pain in their life that the only thing left to do was joke about it. Courage, pain , peace, brotherly love, beer and fishing. 

 The next day driving home I was in the moment thinking about my to do list. Cruising up the highway with my future plans rolling through my mind. Traffic suddenly stopped to a crawl and I was already thinking of how the delay would affect my future plans when I saw it. A terrible wreck with a big rig truck off the road and crashed through a large tree. Slow in passing I saw people kneeling over someone as to give comfort.  I drove on knowing there was nothing for me to do. I thought of Bear the trucker I met the night before and Donnie his brother in the wheelchair. I thought of Rose and I prayed for us all, the Salt of the earth. The pain we all face. The hope we bring by not giving in to that pain. For hope in the inspiration of others we meet on our lonesome journey.

FTBAS 8.6.13

Works

To give in silence
Holding a trembling hand
With just a glace
You change the land

The power of one
Son screaming light
The only one
Who you put up to fight

So many children
With out a dime
Long in this building
Ending our time

Just wait
The horizon is near
Just wait
Here comes the fear

Taller and stronger
Slim and beautiful
Harder and faster
But none fulfilled

With the power of one...................

Just wait
The horizon is near
Just wait
Here comes the tear

Simple peace
Gutter love
Crippled prince
Sonic dove

Father mother brother friend
Doubtless and tried
Beginning in circles on end
Now that time has lied

To use the power of your one!

FTBAS 7.29.13

In my ignorance

In my ignorance I see a whole species laid to waste. A species whose greatest achievement will be destroying our own home. Even against the moral story of our greatest book we still concrete and asphalt our Garden of Eden to satisfy nothing but greed and power. Our bodies reject it, our souls scream out for nature and its pure energy. Our minds are fooled by the consensual numbing of intake, visual, audible, and physical. Prescription drugs, alcohol, illicit drugs, food, sex, TV, face book, internet, porn, shopping just to mention a few are all devices we use to numb ourselves to the true reality that we are slaves raising slaves for somebody else’s children in a corporate concrete world. Why else would a national championship be more important than health care?
FTBAS

Into dust

Into dust

Looking through the glass I saw the alphabet boys
Thinking this is going to be bad, very bad.
Shifting my gaze over to my daughter sitting there innocent
Knowing in just a few minutes her whole world would never be the same
In a breath remembering her youth and all the years in between
I moved next to her reached out and held her hand
Looking into her eyes I exclaimed “Listen to me now”
“Every moment of every day up till now as prepared you for this.”
With her beautiful serious smile she asked “what do you mean”?
My mind racing "Oh how I so want for this to go away, to protect her, anything but this"!
I replied “no matter what happens in the next few minutes, you take care of you”.
The doors opened and then our world crumbled into dust...........................


FTBAS 7.21.13

Up in smoke

When the end comes along
To all it is the same,
Some quick some so long
Coffins and picture frames
Ceremonies for who is left
Silent moments unique facing death
In each one I have lived through
I stole a moment of our time
To slip into a pocket
Or maybe a hand
Something very sublime
Could be a grain of sand
Maybe cork from that bottle
From which we tugged
Its always something private
Forever linking our souls
In a time and a space
That only you and I know
So in the end
If mine before yours
I hope and I pray
You slip a little of you into me
Before I go up in the smoke
Sealing our moment in peace

FTBAS 7.10.13

One and the same

Staring briskly into the void
Castles are built from sand
Sky towers are just a joy
My cavern is below the land

Darkness unfolds a beauty trace
Treasures wanted not peace
Deaths danced in my face
My memories bled of happy freaks

Lights explored the hole my worms have made
Lamps of tattooed skin make my shade
Silenced in the gasp you just made
Write now, no I am not afraid

Of thunder clouds rolling in
Or of what tomorrow will bring
Ill split my skies open
In one and the same..............

FTBAS 6.3.13

Conform

Laid solid in your root,
Intermingled among your vine,
Producing sweetest of fruit,
Uprising in the mind.

A standing field,
Rows of glory born,
Daylight dawns still,
In darkness of the norm.

Awakening as such,
Freedom is made,
Conformity a clutch,
Makes you fade.

Into some reason,
Always another,
For your treason,
One to the other........................have been played..........

FTBAS 6.30.13

Fennigan sends a Fennagram

You are me
I know
Mirror me
Shadow

Done glance
Dance diddy
Hyper chance
My city

I'm cancer
To your nicorette
Slow dancer
You bet

Come back full blast
Coated with Teflon
No dark fast
Full Blown

Begin then
Fennigan
Once again
Send this Fennigram

Cause you glow bestest
Known to the rest of us
Callin this mess just
Drawing in the dust

Blessed........................

FTBAS 6.21.13

Grounded

High winds and bright sparks,
White flashes blowing rain,
Thunderstruck starts,
Some ruin in pain.

Others bury true,
Mired in the mud,
Those grounded few,
Enjoying the deafening thud.

Ricochet off the bedroom walls,
Balanced between static and rush,
Intensely the soul of nature calls,
With in them the rock of such...............

FTBAS 6.21.13

In spite

Edge looking down,
Corner coming up,
Abyss me around,
Stoned out on luck.

Calamity and torture,
Destiny and fortune,
Nothing for sure.
Family heirloom,

Sounds of what to be,
Confuse the blind malady,
Sheeple of mass insanity,
Bread backward into free.

The illusion of institution,
Co operate the doctrine,
Of conformed solution,
Slaves and wanna bees.

All in spite of me.................................

FTBAS 6.2.13

Like That

Something a coming down the road,
A bad ass roaming carrying overload,
Deming the lights and surging juice,
How many time has this been loose.

In another way to see
In another way to be
A sight full of clarity
Walking bad ass child prodigie

Know one to tell you to wander,
Know one to tell you to roam
Tonight the day gone to forever
Into the book unknown.

Dilly dally dog wire fence,
Silly Said once again,
Somewhere known to dance,
With a poker lying to draw win.

Monkey sitting ace high should
Twilight dreams of angels and the dead
Any saint that possibly could,
Fight back against whats been unsaid..................


FTBAS 5.26.13

My Apology

When you walk in,
My memory fades,
Darkness sinks in,
I feel afraid.
I'm sorry,
I didn't love you as much as I could have,
You smiled there,
You walked here,
Hands fair,
Waving trust.
I can't hold you
Your not coming back,
I can't fade you,
Or feel you now,
Pleading inside I beg,
Why didn't I love you as much as I could have................
FTBAS 5.8.13

Run Through

Paint me one of all colors,
Baked on bridges of past tense,
Under rails of twine,
Doubtless you know it's true,
That your not alone,
In the distress of emptiness caught below,
I need time to wonder,
I need time deep under,
I need time to stop and go back to last summer,
When I saw you smile a smile,
That would last forever............................

FTBAS 5.5.13

D and D

Something came to face,
Leather became lace,
Collusion dive,
Intrusion alive,

Illusions and reality,
Soak brevity,
Cloaked sixth,
Soul fix.

Journey never ceased,
Localized disease,
Ponder with me please,
Seal my crease,

Can't tell you from them,
Don't sell me flem flam,
Wonder death and destruction,
Well ain't that something?

FTBAS 4.22.13

And God showed up

The brief compassion,
Ripples everlasting,
Our night stormy dark,
Satisfaction maker mark.

Temp with out asking,
While my problems are fasting,
Souls drip dry,
Collection full pie.

Peace my soul may be,
Pieces of others save me,
Once I was led,
Now I am fed.

Once I feed ,
Now I lead,
Once you are freed,
Soul will I be.............

FTBAS 4.10.13

rise n shine

sun rise
moon glide
heart dies
riding tide

flood me
fill mine
blue sea
dont mind

waves forever
lifes short
some never
get to port......

FTBAS 4.5.13

On High

So normal it is,
Balanced and clean,
Head open bliss,
Wonderful colors scream,
Daylights it's darkest,
With out the night,
I did not start this,
Emerita fight,
Good and evil,
Light and dark,
What kind of man brings retrieval,
To the biggest dog fight?

FTBAS 3.20.13

Old Caver's Never Die

Old caver Never Die

Dark holes,
Blowin cold,
Young mud moles,
Now getting old,
Through the all SERAS,
They played all the TAGS,
Not one lags,
All are bad ass,
Best friends of bats,
Crawling like rats,
In some mud hole,
To find the cavern of hope,
A place they never get old,
Our old cavers never die,
Just take a closer look,
They are digging in the dark corners of face book…….

FenniganT
5/25/11

Ladies and Gentlemen

Our speaker tonight needs no introduction,

Not for self in front, behind or in the middle underneath then,

Spiral following along this edge of abyss,

Sunbelt shining  in blue note of burnt faces

Defiantly failing to weigh the heavy bag we tote,

A beggar turned monster in a story once lost in places,

Upon time when all was dark and with ignorant bliss,

Can't describe the brightest that came ever,

With nothing in the brilliance of perfection that could compete,

In our battle of evermore,

So we all can say " whatever you did for one of the least of these "

Comes before and beyond our creations..........

FTBAS 3.14.13

Everything

If everything is not for gotten , nothing can be for giving............

FTBAS 3.2.13

Clanging Symbols

You can't own a spirit,
Can't erase a memory,
Make something fit,
That doesn't want to be.

Split the tempest rain,
Rush a dream,
Locomotive freight train,
Isn't what it seams.

Daylight will dawn,
Love and grace around,
While your all alone,
And haven't made a sound!


FTBAS 2.27.13

To all those before me

Thank you for your hope,
Thank you for your pain,
Before me you went,
Snow, Sun, Wind and rain.

Died millions of deaths,
Blood in the street,
All the same  breaths,
Of an infants heart beat.

Live and learn,
Hazardous materiel,
Thank you for the damage,
Thank you for the ruin

Thank you for learning,
Before I knew what I was doing...........................

FTBAS 2.26.13

It's not easy

Grace please hold us
Pain has seared through
Binding us to see
In our missing you

Every day a freezing
In a long night,
Of screaming
Souls in flight

Just to hold you
See your smile
In Gods shining blue
All the while

We have walked left
We have walked right
Lost our best
Fought our fight


We give you now,
A bow to the wind
Still not knowing how
We lost you friend.......................

FTBAS 2.20.13

R.I.P. Andrew Cory Martin June 1, 1990 - Feb 8, 2013

Even in our sleep,
pain which cannot forget
falls drop by drop upon the heart until…
in our despair,
against our will,
comes wisdom through the awful grace of God.
- Aeschylus

Astray

Love is open,
I am closed,
Cheap is my token,
Of negatives exposed.


I've run away,
Sunk into the pain,
Hoping I pray,
For a summer rain.

My tears hard,
Eyes squeezed,
Mind barred,
Nothing pleased.

Against my memory,
I smash the wall of time,
It won't let me be,
I can't see the sublime.

That I was supposed to know................

FTBAS 2.16.13

Rain

A week of Angels,
Close in darkness of tonight,
Three's in tangles,
Shining so bright,
Clouds of inspiration,
Forever flowing forth,
Sour grapes and crushed ego's,
Bi lines between the source,
Outcome of no dry eye,
Simple question of why?
Shiver of love cross my spine,
Sunlight decreases in my sublime,
Ripples of fear,
Hours of frustration,
Moments so dear,
I dare not touch them,
Sometimes sometimes,
One hundred and sixty eight hours that's all,
We didn't know then,
A little rain must fall......................

Fennigan Tyler Spencer
2/15/13

The last time we said goodbye

You were drinking and so was I,
I saw the twinkle in your eye,
That swagger and stance,
Happy in romance.
We played pool,
I talked like a fool,
Then lost one on purpose,
So nobody would feel worthless.
We clinked our glasses to many more,
Needless to say when we walked out that door,
I would never see you again,
With that flashy smile.
Rest in peace my friend,
You have walked the longest mile,
My sadness cries "why you were alone"?
With my grief now set in daughters stone,
We will not  forget you as we live on,
We will continue on with your loving song.............

Rest in peace little brother rest in peace

Fennigan Tyler Spencer 2.8.13

A little tickle

As my prize,
Over your lies,
I hunger flame,
Sights my game.

In disguise,
I surprise,
So tame,
No shame,

In my vise,
Frozen slice,
It's plane,
Your insane,

I am wise,
You'll surmise,
Of your game,
In your blame.

So to realize,
My soul fly's,
Your loved the same,
As your tongue tickles my name............................

FTBAS 2.7.13

Behind

Today I am so far behind that if I could reach through tomorrow I would still not be able to catch the ass end of yesterday.
FTBAS 2.6.13

Gumpin

Well aint that sumthin,
We all been missin,
A subject and title,
Without a lesson,
On how to smile,
Just a being,
Like a freeing,
In what Im seeing,
Of human being,
Somes smart,
Super intelligence,
All of us fart,
Even if you cant tell who it was,
If they don't bleed normal,
Another color than red,
Well maybe then forget what I said,
But sense you knows I'm write,
And my balance aint no beam,
All this righting has never been,
Never was,
As Forest said,
Stupid is,
As stupid does........................

FBTAS 1.5.13

Differences

All in happenstance,
Is supposed elegance,
Literally a trance,
The grand entrance.

Diving souls affront,
Opening minds triumph,
Begins the body dump,
Before a prayers trump.

One way or the other,
Gambles to bother,
Sister or brother,
Mother to father.

Still we divide,
Blood bonds tried,
Outside to inside
Differences  lied.

Solution mainstream,
Dreaming downstream,
All on the I team,
No access unseen...............................

FTBAS 2.3.13

Off The Grid

Angels give mercy,
Demons steal lies,
All to hurt free,
Without the whys,

Digging deaper,
Open the wound,
Scab creeper,
Stale parfum,

Daily dance,
Dilly dally,
Smarty pants,
Meet in the ally,

On the corner,
Cross the street,
One loner,
Underneath,

What they want,
What you did,
All alone,
Off the Grid..............


FTBAS 1.31.13

Dazed in dreams

Devils eyes,
Burning surprise,
Division at least,
Anchor deceased,
Never an ending line,
Only free from time,
Than bitchen before,
Out the side door,
Savaging rage,
Mourning page,
Distant rust,
Lack o trust,
Money honey,
Sunday fun day,
Paper,
Caper,
Lost in the game,
Running to fame,
All along the wall,
Crumbled and small,
Cigarettes and smoke,
Last one poke,
I did,
You didn't,
I could,
You shouldn't ,
We went,
Unsent,
Long in seams,
Dazed in dreams...............

FTBAS 1.27.13

Weights and Measures

Splitting dark
Blank thunder
Tombstone park
Over yonder
Almost there
Rain pain
Even fair
Claim sane
Terrible things
Trivial pretense
Mindful rings
Body drench
Freakish devil
Saints halo
Hell level
Said so
Measure over
Scales cheat
Divided mother
Father beat
Its me
To you
I see
You do.........................

FTBAS 1.24.13

In the Dark

Homeless eyes,
Angels fall down,
Baby cries,
Hunger sound,

Hand in the night,
Shoulder softly gripped,
Comfort in respite,
Though tight lipped,

A twenty won't get it,
Unlimited eagles swill,
No presidents fit,
The way I feel.

Solitude is cold,
Nature is bliss,
I am getting old,
And tire of this.

Peasantry and hypocrisy  
To be divine with out me,
A sinking of thinking is all I do,
While drowning in memories of you..............


FTBAS 1.22.13

Unbroken

A token,
A give away,
Long miles of highway,
Stretching before us,
Craters behind the dust
Simple glass leaning,
Dog is tired of screaming,
Begged borrowed once stole,
Count the blessing two fold,
Run once more embracing the horizon,
All in mirrors of cake and icing,
Deductions,
Consumption's,
Delusions,
Confusions,
Interrelated some how,
All debated to wow,
This moment of clarity,
When conformity,
Is no longer spoken...............................

FTBAS 1.16.13.

Please none all the same

Starved in fascination,
Solitaries deviation,
Then looked the other way,
Unintended to one day pay,
Pre game a funday,
Started to drink yesterday,
Forgot to think before then,
Didn't see the end,
Trumps of hearts and little cards,
Mirrors resurrection broken in shards,
But if things got unbent,
Hole debt been spent,
Please none all the same,
In this no winner game..................

FTBAS 1.16.13

Season

To lie gazing upon the stars,
Among the whispering pines,
This little space of ours,
In between the time lines.

Of seasons apart from why,
Questions pondered not bled,
Doubts with out increasing,
The mouth which has been fed.

If sins a reason,
Dirts dog tired,
Pounding heads are pleasing,
And the moon will have had lied,

Tired maples and days of haze,
Become summer once again,
Splashing comfort in the waves,
Of all in time my friend...............


FTBAS  1.11.13

Talk

I'm going to tell you frankly,
I have no use,
For feelings plainly,
Or dynamic abuse,
A simple walk in the woods,
Matters more to me now,
That what of could be told,
Of  how I want to bow,
There something different don't you know,
In my walking to the end,
A saint I ain't,
I forgiven but I don't know how,
I seen and forgotten why,
I've leaned into the wind of my rock,
Oh holy locks I'm done and you don't care,
Angel lies about my devils pride,
Until they decide to let me go......................

FTBAS 1.8.13

On Being A Gentleman

Cant take it anymore,
Have to make a stand,
So many boys galore,
Pretending to be men,
No class,
Nothing but sass,
Some gold teeth and attitude,
Well that it ain't it dude!
No girls only ladies,
No freaks,
No denied babies,
Not in language,
Color no reason,
Brain got to be sharp,
Like a razor,
Head up shoulders out,
Walk like you're the mayor,
Manners matter,
Class is what you are,
Forget that hip hop gangsta movie star,
Jame Bond maybe,
Clint's got it for sure,
So show some baby,
Time to grow up some more,
Leadership and building roots,
Serving others with whats been saved for you,
So maybe there aren't many out there,
Doesn't work for most it seems,
Those who do it,
Live a Gentleman's dream,
Respect, dignity, love, trust and class,
Then you will be remembered with that,
Feeling warm and fuzzy all over,
Knowing that those you've touched are covered.................

FTBAS 1.5.13

What do you think?

Don't

Pain the great microscopic illusion,
It creeps a shrieking alarm,
A begging and borrowed intrusion,
One minute after sirens warn,

Run

One second beyond the flow,
Resisting to feel some thing different,
That HAVE to know!
Pay with full consent,

Stop

Bulls eyed peace as duty,
Fear deceiving need to blame,
From bent breezes of conformity,
Cloaked disguises in rebels fame,

Stand

Spent misery token,
Telescoped view wide,
Shores of revolution open,
On Americas free ride,

Break

Doors of confusion closed,
Days dawn and waves hover,
Our darkness transposed,
Sitting with peace and pain all over,

Free................

FTBAS 1.3.13